Words of Wisdom with H&J

A little background on this latest one.....

Every time that I meet a new guy for coffee off of M*tch*com, I give Heidi a report. As I say below, the last guy was super quiet.

Our family does not do quiet. At all, lol. Heidi's husband is one of the loudest people I know. We are outright obnoxious when we're all together. As in, one time a family at a table next to us moved to another part of the restaurant because they didn't appreciate our blaring rendition of "Gangsta's Paradise."

Every guy I've ever been attracted to has been more outgoing than me. And, it has always been assumed that when I get married, Mike will finally have someone to even up the "Heidi and Jess are nuts and always against me" score.

Here was her thoughts on the last one...........

Check Out The New Digs :)

If you are reading this via email or Reader, click over to my actual blog for this one time.

No, really. Just this once.

I need you to see the awesome new design Jess did for me!!!!

About a week ago, theotherJess said she was feeling "designy" and wanted to do a blog design. For free. No catches. I'm no fool, so I took her up on it!

Seriously, I'm in love with it.

I've done a few of my own designs. While I can do the technical aspects of changing over my design, sometimes what I vision in my head isn't what comes out on the screen. So, I was ready for something fresh that I hadn't stressed over.

I really do love it.

Jess did this as a complete favor to me and I really appreciate it. She was sooooo easy to work with and really paid attention to the details.

If you've never read her blog, go do it because it's great. And, if you're thinking about getting a new look to your blog, check her out......

Monday Musings

How is it the last week of June already? No, really, how did this happen? 2012 - SLOW DOWN!!!

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Last week, I went hog wild. I am NOT a shopper. Period. However, about once or twice a year, I will get a shopping bug. It happened last week. Thanks to NY&Company's "Big, Big Sale" I now have a ridiculous amount of new work clothes and all for a decent price. And, thanks to Old Navy's constant low prices, I have a ridiculous amount of summer casual clothes. Again, all for a decent price.

I am all about decent pricing, people.

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Saturday night, my former intern and current friend N and I went to see Josh Turner at Universal. We were told a million times that we were crazy because it was supposed to storm, but it absolutely did not. We were happy :)

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It did not rain Saturday, but it did rain ALL. DAY. yesterday. During church, the rain was so heavy that there were times it was tough to hear our pastor. It was kind of magical, though.

Thanks to Tropical Storm Debby, it is supposed to rain all day today, as well.

So, clearly it would be a great idea to get all dolled up for work, right?

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My cousin is moving to Florida. And, it actually seems like it is going to happen, this time, lol.

May I say that I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED. by this possibility?

We have never lived in the same state. I will be able to drive to her house whenever I want and she is obligated by blood to let me in.

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I started a new fitness class a couple weeks ago. I do not actually want to post what it is, because I fear that it will lead to all sorts of weirdos finding me through a G**gle search.

Let's just say that firemen use these, but it is only women in the class. Also, let me be clear that I am wearing the same thing I would wear to any gym (and so is everyone else).

And? It is the hardest workout of my life. My arms, legs, and abs are sore for days.

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Confession - I am SO not a fan of the whole online dating thing. I am still trying, because I paid for three months. But, it is just so, so weird.

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I bet you didn't know this, but during the summer in Florida buildings are FREEZING. I once read an article about appropriate work clothing during the summer..... it said that the South has less issues with people wearing too little at work because the A/C is cranked up so much.

This is even more true during a heavy storm. It gets cold.

Hence, after church and lunch yesterday, I spent the rest of the day in sweats, a long-sleeved tee, and socks.

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I saw 'Brave' on Friday. So, so cute. I just love Disney movies.

Old Wounds

The past several weeks have been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. Some days I'm super positive about the future and what's in store for me. Other days, I'm really sad and in an uncertain frame of mind.

I was in a really good place. I was feeling confident and an excited nervous. Then, I sort of got slapped back on my rump. 

The more time passes, the more it hits me that I really have NO clue where my life is going. That has been pretty tough to deal with. I truly, with every ounce of my being, KNOW that God has a plan for me. I know that He knows everything I do not and I know that trusting Him is the only way. That being said.... the not knowing sometimes wears me down.

If you have read this blog long enough, you know how hard I've worked to move past what went down with The Guy. It really took a very long time to stop hurting over it. It took even longer for me to even CONSIDER feeling anything for anyone else.

Meanwhile, I had this "Fun Distraction" that was just that... a fun distraction. He didn't quite live up to The Guy, but was a good friend. I honestly didn't think of him as a viable option, but he was a good person to spend time with. There has always been a flirty vibe between us.... and, it's always seemed that if I wanted something, it could be something that he'd be willing to explore.

One of my friends put it brilliantly, yesterday..... "I have seen a very slow build between the two of you. You've always come across as very friendly with one another, but I don't think you were ready. I remember suggesting him to you and you just weren't interested. It really wasn't until last Fall that I think things started to change. I noticed the two of you gravitating more and more toward each other. You guys slowly became a unit in other people's eyes. Then, over the past several months, I think *you* started to decide that you really wanted to try something with him."

That is basically how it's been. I've always liked the attention, but I was so uncertain. Then, I decided I did want to put myself out there.

Only, I was two weeks too late.

From a FD angle, I'm having a really hard time understanding what is going on with him. He spent the better part of a year telling me all the reasons that he didn't want to get into a relationship with BSG. Even as he was telling me that he needed to try things out with her, he was *still* telling me that there were "red flags."

Twice, I have been around the two of them since they started dating. Both times, he was not himself. Both times she displayed all those things that he says he doesn't like..... and, not just to me, but to others. The two of us haven't spoken about their relationship since I told him how I felt, but I'm "hearing around the grapevine" that he is still griping about various things.

The main thing is that we cannot be ourselves with one another, right now. When she is around, we try really, really hard to "act normal" but we just can't. When I say that she makes it impossible, I really mean it. So, I've taken the stance of "how we have to act when she is around is pretty much how we need to act when she is not around." I do not like that they are together. I do not think she is good for him, at all. However, he is choosing to have her as his girlfriend, right now..... I have to respect that title. If she were ok with us being friends, and didn't mind our banter, our thoughtless touches, etc, then we could keep it........ but, I refuse to be one way 90% of the time and then pretend that doesn't exist during the 10% that she is around. It isn't fair to either of us.

I do miss my friend. I miss the guy that I could be myself around. I also am so confused by what is going on with him and BSG, but really it's not my problem to fix.

From a semi-non-FD angle, there are so many old wounds, old fears, and old insecurities that having been bubbling to the surface.

I feel like I did all. that. work. to heal after TG and now the same thing is happening. I am, once again, left holding the bag. I feel like I'm not even being given a chance.

People that know me know that it is not easy for me to open my heart. It takes a lot for me to look at guy and think of him as "more." I was never the teenager that had a notebook full of hearts and boys' names doodled over them. I wasn't fickle, at all. That is just me.

So, when there is a crack in the armor... when I let someone in even just a little bit.... it is really, really hard to evacuate them.

I'm told that I don't try. I'm told that I don't put myself out there. I'm told that I just seem so darned content to be by myself.

All of that is basically true.

Except when it's not.

When it's not..... it is super, super painful and confusing.

I don't try until I find someone that I think is worth trying for.

I don't put myself out there until I feel enough to warrant laying it out on the line.

I'm content to be by myself until there is someone that I want to be with.

That is why I'm forcing myself to do the whole Match thing. So far, it is going "ok".... nothing of substance to report, but I'm slowly starting to do the whole "let's meet for coffee" thing and see if any of them lead to an actual date.

If you could pray, I'd appreciate it. I'm honestly begging God to change something for the better before my birthday. It seems like a realistic time period, lol. I just want all of this sadness and feeling of uncertainty to be gone before I start a new year.



Like I said, it's been a roller coaster. An absolute roller coaster.


*** Just to note - I feel the need to say that I don't think BSG is a bad person. Really, she is not. Honestly, on paper, we have a lot of similarities.... very similar morals, beliefs, basic character traits. However, once you look up and see the two of us, we are very, very different. Our core is very similar, but our outside personalities are VERY different. So, she is not a bad person. She is actually a sweet girl. And, I think she really deserves someone great. I just do not think she is right for FD or he for her. I think that, on paper, he is what she wants.... but, his personality seems to conflict with what she is comfortable handling and her actions/attitude reflects that.

Words of Wisdom with H&J

This may become a series, lol......

A Rant Of Sorts

Hi. I'm Jess and I'm annoyed.

Quick catch-up....... FD and I finally had "the talk." I told him how I felt. Only, it was two weeks too late. Because he had decided to "try to figure things out" with Brown Shirt Girl. He "had no clue that we were even a possibility." He "didn't think you were an option." 

Therefore, he "needs to give this a chance" with BSG. He "can't give you a thought right now because I just told BSG that I would see where things could go with her." He wants to "keep things the same between us and just see what happens."

Well, that was officially a month ago. And, he is still dating her.

So, I did what any normal girl would do.

I signed up for Match.com.

Because, while he is "figuring things out" with someone else, I'm not going to sit around and wait.

And, now I'm freaking annoyed.

So far, I've been matched up with a former creepy coworker and then two days later I got matched up with my friend's "off" coworker.

I'm currently emailing with about six different (seemingly) non-creepy, non-off guys.

It is exhausting.

I have to read through their profiles before I email them back to make sure I'm not confusing them with someone else.

Then, I go back over our emails to make sure I'm not replying to something that someone else said in an earlier email, by mistake.

*Stomps Foot*

I do not like this. This is why I hate dating. This is why I've never been one to be interested in more than one guy at a time.

After "The Guy", I finally found a guy that I liked. We are friends. We have fun together. We are both fairly attractive people. We make each other laugh. We comfort one another when we're upset. We have the ability to be both serious and flirty with one another.

So, why in the heck am I on Match.com while he is "figuring things out" with Brown Shirt Girl?!?!?!

*Crosses Arms and Pouts*

Word of Wisdom with H&J

My cousin and I crack me up....

25 Things

Since everyone and their brother in the blogworld has already done this, I figured that I would join in....

I'm trying to make these new, but I'm probably going to tell you some things you already know.

1) I get super weird and intense leg cramps. All. the. time. Even if I hydrate.... and take potassium. I still get them in the middle of the night. I have forever. They aren't normal..... they require me to fall back asleep in the strangest positions ever to get them to go away.

2) The idea of backpacking through Europe holds no appeal to me. I want suitcases. And, hotels. Without random strangers as my roommates.

3) One time in college, I totally skipped class for the day to audition to be a guest co-host on Live with Regis and Kelly. I didn't make it past the first round, but it was fun to try.

4) Speaking of auditioning, when I reach my goal weight, I want to audition to be a Rockette. No, seriously. I have always wanted to be one. They usually have auditions within driving distance of me, each year. Keep in mind, I have no illusions that I'll actually be cast. I just want to try, just so I can say I did.

5) I've read the Fifty Shades series and loved it. In fact, I read Darker and Freed twice. For all the talk of blushing while reading and having to put the books down, I never once did either. Maybe I'm smuttier than I thought.

6) I am left-handed, but do not ask me to use left-handed scissors. I can't cut with them. The way the blades meet is different than the way right-handed scissors meet and after being forced to use RHS for so long, I can't cut straight on a line with LHS.

7) My whole life I have always dreamed of having a little girl with curly hair. However, with my ridiculously stick straight hair, I probably should marry Ben Savage.

8) I *love* pineapples, pears, and watermelon. I could eat them every day.

9) My Ninny and my mom's sneezes will scare you to death. My mom didn't always sneeze like that and I fear that as I get older, my sneezes will become scary, too.

10) Full House was my absolute favorite TV show growing up. I've seen every episode at least a half dozen times. I still kind of wish I was friends with DJ Tanner.

11) I didn't travel via plane with an adult until I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. Before that, an trips to visit my Ninny in Alabama or my family in Colorado every summer were solo. As a result, I really am not a fan of travelling with my family on a plane. It is usually more dramatic than it needs to be. Pretty much, we get to the airport and I tell them I will meet them at the gate.

12) Thunderstorms are my favorite. And, heat lightening. They are both reasons I look forward to summer.

13) I know nothing about cars by choice. I am smart enough to learn about them. I just really don't care. As long as it works, I'm cool. If it doesn't, then I will gladly depend on someone who has taken the time to learn about them to fix it for me.

14) Chemistry alluded me in school. I could dissect an entire cat and take AP Calculus, but basic Chemistry made absolutely no sense to me.

15) Sportscasters are the equivalent of nails on chalkboard to me. They talk way too loud.

16) Ironically, actual nails on chalkboard don't bother me.

17) Scarlett Johannson irks me. Like, I know men think she's the epitome of sexy, but I don't understand why. A lot of times, she looks constipated to me. And, she always plays a confused slut.

18) The theme music for So You Think You Can Dance and Big Brother actually makes me smile. Every time I hear them.

19) I am always dumbfounded when restaurants are out of a major item. I never know what to say. One time, I went to Arby's and they were out of roast beef. Another time, Pizza Hut was out of all their crusts, except for Thin n Crispy. How does that happen?

20) The fun braids that are popular right now just make me wish I had the talent to braid my hair. Especially the pretty "headband braids." I try to do that with my hair, but it just doesn't work. I need a hairstylist to do my hair everyday.

21) When I sleep at night, it has to be on my side or back. I can't sleep on my stomach. However, when I take a nap, I prefer sleeping on my stomach. Go figure.

22) I'm super sarcastic. My cousin and I will make ourselves laugh until we cry with our sarcasm. Except, apparently I have an innocent face and a convincing tone, because very few people ever know that I'm being sarcastic. They don't pick up on it, at all.

23) There are some songs that pull such emotion out of me, it's embarrassing. Whether it's happy, sad, inspired, or whatever... I just feel it in all my bones and heart. If you add that song to great montage and I'm a goner. Really, it is ridiculous.

24) I'm seriously jealous of people with great butts. I have none. It's basically like one long back.

25) I kind of wish that Jesse Tyler Ferguson would have his own talk show. I adore him.