Sunday, June 5, 2016

Going down the rabbit hole...

I'm just going to go ahead and warn that this post may not make a ton of sense. It will probably be a jumbled mess of my thoughts, but I just need to get them out.

A close family member is going through some pretty serious issues and has been for the past 4 months. I won't go into all the details, obviously, but it's been a rough road. While I've been dealing with it second-hand and have been trying to support as much as possible, the past few days have been way more up close and personal as some of the other family who are closer needed a break and so did the person in question.

I've said before that I've dealt with some serious anxiety/panic issues in the past. Over time, it has gotten way better and now, while I do worry and get anxious more than I probably need to, I only have one or two true incidents a year. So, in some way, I do have an idea of what this person is going through when they are having an incident, but having witnessed it firsthand, I realize it's way beyond "simple" anxiety.

I say "simple" because it's a lot easier to recognize/diagnose and to manage, in the grand scheme of what others deal with. I also say "simple" because, for me (and from what a lot of people I've spoken to who have panic/anxiety also describe), we still have a grip on reality. We might be worrying about or picturing extreme scenarios, but there is still a part that understands that we're being completely irrational and ridiculous in that moment. It usually makes me even more upset, but I do KNOW that it's all in my head. I also can fairly quickly find a way to calm myself down or break the destructive train of thought. I still can name all the good and the reasons in my life to not stay in that bad place. I know why I need to fight my way out of it. Even better, with a lot of time and learning to cope, I can now recognize when I'm about to go off the deep end. I know the signs and can usually reign myself in before it gets to a point of out of control.

There is no rationalizing or calming this person down. At all. It's full-blown paranoia, fear, and delusion. There is no hope and no good.

It is the most frustrating and scary thing in the world to try to convince someone that there is a reason to put one foot forward when they just don't see it. It's incomprehensible when you know all of the good in life and the person in front of you can't.

I truly believe there is something going on besides circumstance. That there is a mental condition at play. However, it's been very difficult to convince "the major players" of this and it's been impossible to get enough stability with a medical professional to be able to determine what EXACTLY the case may be.

The system can be pretty screwed up when someone goes from being a healthy, thriving, sane individual to all of a sudden not being able to function. I've seen evidence of how a person with a mental illness can end up homeless. Thankfully, it has not gotten to that point, yet, and there are enough people trying to fight for this person that there's great hope that it won't come to that. But, I can see why it happens. It's an endless cycle of bandaids, but no actual treatment.

I just wish there was a magical way to get answers and start to make things better. I know that it takes time and effort. I just keep having faith that God has a plan and everything will fall into place, eventually.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

A quick jaunt around Part One of 2016......

It's hard to believe that we're halfway into 2016. It's been a whirlwind.... a lot of fun.

I have so many things to expound on, but there are always those little moments of life that you want to remember. Lest I forget.....

Junior League

I mentioned before that I joined JL and LOVE it. Still so true and the love is growing. We just finished out the year and I'm looking forward to next year. I'm staying on the two committees I was on for this year (Provisional and Special Events). I'm actually chairing the Special Events committee.... there are a lot of things I feel can be improved upon and the leaders agree with my vision. Most of the Provisional committee is staying on, which I am so happy about!

The girls (Katherine, Shannon, Emily, Katherine, and Kathleen) and I at a party for one of our major fundraisers.

Our committee meetings always turned into a party. We went into this one planning a party for Kathleen's birthday. That candle? Coolest candle ever. It opened up, spun, and sang.

Courtney and I at the end of the year banquet.

Kathleen and I at the end of the year banquet.

Marjorie, Malonie, Kathleen, Meranda, and I at a Prospective Member event.


My job is going really well, this year! *knockonwood* I've always loved it, but I had some growing pains in the past couple years. This time last year, management finally "got it" and worked to improve some things for me. Since then, it's still busy and stressful and sometimes not a walk in the park, but I'm a lot more fulfilled than I was for a while.

My coworker Mike walked in my office holding this monstrosity. He found it outside of a side door in between my office and his studio. Blech!!!

These people are my best friends at work. We were at an event our station was hosting and got a bit slap happy.

One of the perks is getting tickets to fun events.... like a Rum Fest. My cousin Heidi and brother Trevor joined me at this one. My assistant Chris hung out with us and we all had a blast.

This little nugget has been my life saver in the past year. Ashley worked out her internship hours and practicum to be with me a full year. Now, she's hanging out to keep learning and hopefully get hired on. I'm working on it so hard!!!

Oh, and small detail.... I met Kate Upton. Her boyfriend (and I think now fiancee) plays for the Detroit Tigers, who call us home for Spring Training. They had an event and we supported. She was super nice. And, a lot tinier, lean, etc than she looks on the cover of magazines.

Family and Friends

I'm really so blessed to have such great people in my life. And, the most adorable niece in the world (more in depth posts coming).

We see one another all the time, so sometimes it doesn't feel like "an event." But, it is wonderful and I don't take it for granted.

We had an Easter party and a bunch of friends/family came over. It ended up being a great time.

The top left? That's Lydia. She is seven now and it's breaking my heart how big she's getting. I can't handle it.

This was taken in the bathroom at an event. The bathrooms were decorated to the max. Billie Jo and I thought this was hysterical, so it was selfie time.