The Plank

I'm a day late posting the ornament swap linky, I know. I'll get it up.

This past week has been discombobulated. Great in some ways. Rough in others. And, as is required during this time of year, extremely busy.

I've been wrangling a post in my head for a couple days now. It's weird how that happens, isn't it?

Anyway, this past weekend was Weekend #1 of a big Christmas event we do at my church. It's actually pretty awesome and I love being a part of it. I do choreography for one scene each year and I'm so proud of "my girls." They are doing such a great job, this year. Because of my work schedule and helping with Youth Group, I didn't have time to volunteer to be an Elf this year (which is why I used an elf picture from last year in my header).

Friday and Saturday nights were spent helping with the event. Sunday was Youth Group. We did what is called "The Plank."

The Youth Pastor has this big piece of wood that he drops on the ground. It creates this loud, loud BOOM. From that point on, no one speaks unless they are on The Plank. The lights are dim, there is soft music playing, and there's a microphone, just waiting.

Sometimes, there is a question posed. Sometimes, it's just an open mic. Sunday, the question was, "If I could have the one thing I desire most, it would be......"

Again, no one speaks unless they are on The Plank. What is said on The Plank, stays on The Plank. There is no judgement. No ridicule. No wrong feelings or opinions.

It was an intense hour, let me tell you.

Because when you ask a room full of high schoolers what they desire most, their answers will floor you. They'll break your heart. They will bring you to your knees with just how real and UN-materialistic they can be. 

The Plank was open to leaders, too. Which is a fairly scary thing. Because, it can be difficult to admit to a room full of your peers AND the people you're supposed to be leading just how weak you really are.

I won't share what others said, but I will share what I said (paraphrased)..........

I was raised in a Christian home, a Christian school, and a Church. None of it was perfect, but I've spent my whole life being led in a direction. And, I've spent my whole life doing what I was taught was right. Society has a plan for the majority of us....... we go to high school, we graduate, we go to college, we graduate, we go out on our own, we fall in love, we get married, we have kids, and we live to raise them to follow that same life pattern. So, my whole life, I've tried to live that way. I do the things I'm supposed to do and I don't do the things I'm not supposed to do. I've gotten to the point where I have this image of what I think other people think of me and I try to uphold it. But, I spend a lot of my time wondering if I am where I'm supposed to be. I pray that I'm doing what God has planned for me.... and if I'm not, that He'll show me what I AM supposed to be doing. Because certain things AREN'T happening and I just wonder if it's because I'm doing something wrong. So, if I could have the one thing I most desire it would be the peace and the knowledge that I'm where God wants me to be.

Afterwards, I had a girl from my small group approach me. This girl is the image of the daughter we all want. She's sweet, she's caring, she's involved........ she's an absolute doll. And, she asked if we could talk at some point. Because, she wasn't ready to talk right then, but she knew she needed to sit down and talk with me. That everything I said up there rang true for her and that she thinks she's probably a lot like me.

I'll say this...... hearing from this little girl that I admire so much that she thinks she's like me was altogether humbling, flattering, and terrifying.

It is strange to be at war with yourself (which is where I'm at, right now).

So, I have a question for you. I'd love to hear your answers, but understand if you don't want to share......... If you could have your heart's desire, what would it be?

For the love of shoes

Little fact about Jess that makes me not-so-All-American....

I'm not much of a shopper.

Really. I'm not.

I will admit that I get a little more pleasure out of it as I lose weight, but still I have a threshold of how much shopping I can handle. Then, I am just done.

This had always been a sad thing for my family. They love to shop. Especially bargain shop, which takes a lot more time. No joke..... my Ninny (mom's mom) can walk into JC Penney during a sale and walk out with an armload of bags, having been paid 45 cents. True story.

I also live in the land of Outlet Malls. We have a ton of them around these parts.

Have I mentioned that Outlet Malls tend to make me cranky?

All that to say..... I am not a shopper.

However, I do have a weakness and that is shoes.

My closet is full of them. I typically wear the same 3 or 4 pairs, all the time, but I have SO many more that are reserved for special occasions. They don't even have to be expensive or fancy-brand shoes. In fact, my most expensive pair of shoes is also my most uncomfortable pair of shoes.

Today, my mom and I were out looking for Easter sandals for her. We walked into our 5th store and I was about to hit my limit.

Then, I saw these babies.....

It was love at first sight.

I tried them on, bought them, and now own a pair of shoes with which I own nothing to wear. I've literally been wracking my brain and searching my closet to figure out what ensemble I can put together.

The only thing I've come up with is this nice yellow top, jeans, and then some clunky matching jewelry (which I would have to buy).

All of my fashion-forward bloggy friends..... any suggestions?

**** P.S. - I still intend on recapping my Bloggy Weekend. I wrote up a bunch and them my computer failed me and I lost most of it. So, I've lost my groove for the moment. I will recap, though. I promise. ***

Ok... I'll take the good girl status

So, I know it bugs me when I'm called "a good girl" "the girl next door" or "All-American girl." I've also been called prudish.

I've decided that I'll take that over being called the exact opposite.

This week, it has come to light that a girl I work with has - ahem - been very friendly with five men we work with. We do not work in a big building, people. She apparently has been friends with all the single ones that exist in the company. Now, granted, three of them are "she said"... the other two are "he said." And, one of the "gentlemen" has pictures to prove it.

Call me a prude. Go ahead. I'm fairly shocked, lol.

I guess they're all adults and can do what they want. I'm just surprised that a young woman would jeopardize her reputation in a company this small. Not only that... she brags about the three. She's unaware that the other two are telling tales (or proving it).

The next time someone calls me "a good girl", I promise I will post a thankful prayer about it. Because I'd much rather be called that then what this other girl is being called.

And, once again....

Jess is labelled "the good girl."

I don't know why this bothers me, but it does, lol. Tonight, I went to a charity event that benefits Volunteers In Service To Elderly (VISTE). There were a couple of people from work there.... one whose wife I absolutely adore. I sometimes call her "Mama B" because she reminds me a lot of my own mom and she gives such great advice.

B, myself, and this guy from work were all chit-chatting when the subject of relationships came up. The guy and I are both young and single, so Mama B was giving us advice and saying how she doesn't understand some young females of today. Then, she pops out a "Jess, that's we love you so much... you're such a good girl."

Arrrggghhhh.... I hate that. I know, I know... it's supposed to be a compliment. But, a lot of times, "good girl" can ring as an insult. It gets translated into "prude" and "untouchable", neither of which I am. Don't get me wrong, I get that technically, I am a pretty "good girl." I have high standards and values. However, the label irritates me, lol.

On a positive note... I did enjoy myself. I saw a couple of people I haven't seen in a while. Plus, one of my bosses was there. She and I had a great talk, which kind of made me feel better about the whole job situation. If you're out there and you're reading, please pray, because my official interview is Monday.

(Note... if you're confused about my irritation... or, perhaps the title of my blog, read this.)

Alrighty.... so maybe not....

Remember how last night, I was going to work on being sweet, congenial, and happy-go-lucky, all the time?

Yeah, then I went to work.

I work PT at the radio station, but I have a desk and computer. I, at times, have to share with some of the interns that come in, but basically I've got my own little corner in the Promotions office.

Well, we have a new officemate. Whatever, that's fine. Only, she has decided that she doesn't like "the clutter" in our office. So, she's decided to clean house.

For the past two years, I've been raising a little farm of McDonald's Happy Meal toys. When you first walk in the office, they've been on top of a filing cabinet. EVERYONE plays with the toys. It's almost a conversation piece.... a little fun for the office. She mentioned to me about a week ago, "Say good-bye to your little toys." I told her that she could do whatever she wanted with everything else on the cabinet, but the toys were staying.

I came in today and my toys are gone. I looked around and she had put them in a grocery bag and placed the bag by my desk. I'm slightly livid, right now. Like, I'm trying really hard not to go off.

It's not even about the toys. They're stupid children's items. It's the prinicple of the matter!!! She's been in the office for less than two weeks and she's decided that none of us matter? It's rude! Especially after she was told by me AND the Promotion's Director to leave them alone.

I know it's petty and stupid, but I'm fuming.

And, now, I'm off to go put them back in their rightful place.........

Oh, BTW....

Why did I choose the title "All-American Jess?"


Well, I've been called an "All-American Girl" or a "Good Girl" a lot, lately. My friend Ashley and I were talking about it and how it's almost used as an insult. It really is..... I mean, I'm hardly perfect or innocent. But, I do tend to make pretty good choices.

Some people I know in my "current" life don't realize that having come from a Christan school, I grew up with people a lot better than me, lol. I grew up watching soap operas, Friends, and Dawson's Creek.... that made me a rebel, to some people's thinking, lol. So, it baffles me when I'm considered to be all sweet and innocent.

Also, there are people I know that are a lot more positive and nice. I am moody. I can be very cynical and sarcastic. There are dozens of people that come to mind that are sweeter than pie and are sooooo happy and encouraging.

So, while I don't tend to think of myself that way, that's the way people perceive me, I guess.

And, I'm deciding to try to not only live up to it, but think of it as a compliment.

We'll see how that goes, lol.........