Wow

I'm sitting here at this computer screen with a huge host of emotions flowing through me.

So, 'The Guy' is having a baby. A little girl.

Do the math..... He has known he was having a baby for a while now. In those months, when we've texted back and forth or the few times we've chatted on the phone..... never once mentioned that he was even dating someone, much less that he was going to be a Daddy.

If he's happy, then I'm truly happy for him. That is all I have ever wanted for him.

While I had given up the hope that one day I'd get to point our kids to go talk to their Daddy, I still thought that we were friends. Like, real friends.

Where I don't find out that this was happening through his work FB page. You know, where his listeners.... who didn't talk to him when he was stuck by himself in Minnesota on Christmas Day.... find out before me.

I used to tell him all the time that he would make a wonderful father. I told him that when he didn't believe it himself.

I wish none of this mattered to me. I wish I could hear the news and be like all of his hometown friends that have lost touch with him, because as he puts it, "I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people. Your one of the only people I ever talk to."

All of those friends are super happy for him. They're thinking to themselves, "Holy crap, he's finally settling down!"

I wish I weren't really sad for thinking that I was more important than to find out with the masses. Not even the personal masses.... the work masses.

But, I am sad. And, hurt.

Because, after everything that has ever gone on, I thought I actually was considered a true friend. That's what I thought we were.

It is devastating to find out how wrong you were.

Mistakes

Wednesday, September 25: Write about a time you screwed up - a mistake you made.

I make plenty of mistakes. Everyone does. Forgetting to switch the laundry and it goes sour. Turning down the correct road, so you end up being late. Eating one too many bites and getting that "I'm going to be sick" feeling. Hurting someone's feelings (even if unintentionally).

I make all kinds of "everyday" mistakes.

The big ones, though? I honestly probably don't make enough and that is my mistake.

I walk on eggshells, constantly trying not to screw up. Trying not to disappoint. 

I think it ends up holding me back. You know that saying about regretting the things you don't say/do? Totally have felt that. I live in fear that I will regret saying it or doing it..... I either say/do too late or not at all. Then, I wonder what would have happened if I'd just jumped.

In some ways, I think I'm getting a bit better. Even in small (still fairly responsible) ways.... like, I probably will forget how tired I was the next morning, but I'll never forget going to the midnight showing with my friends. Or, I won't miss the $75 an excursion cost, but I would have missed not getting to take such amazing pictures and making memories with my family.

Basically, I'm learning that it is sometimes ok to make a mistake.

Blogtember..... Life Lately and A New Challenge

Monday, September 23: A "life lately" post. What you're up to, how you're feeling, how you're doing on your goals, etc. Bonus points for great photos!

Based off of my lack of blogging, you may have guessed that life is crazy. September through May is my crazy time at work and this September is no different. It's just insanely busy.

Life is good, though. Just busy. And, when I do have a moment to breathe, I just haven't felt like getting on the computer. Like, I want to share and document, but I do not have the oomph to put it on my screen. I'm trying to remember to relax.... and keep in touch with friends.... and spend time with my family.... and live in the moment.


Like, when I catch my coworker raiding my snack stash.....

Or, taking in a Miranda Lambert concert with the sister....

Or, appreciating a Harvest Moon coming up over a lawn of fellow concert-goers.

Also, there are still some potential-maybe-possibly-we-will-see-what-happens things in the works. Maybe. I don't really know. But, if there are, it could be exciting. We'll see.

 Tuesday, September 24: Review a book, place, or product.

Let's see... I haven't read a new book in far too long, unfortunately.

Places..... I went to several new places on my New England and Canadian cruise. I fully intend to review them in great detail, at some point.


Product. I got this.

So, two days after I got back from my cruise, I started the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. That was exactly two weeks ago and I'm down 6 lbs, pre-cruise. The day after I got back, I weighed myself (why, I do not know) and I was up 7.5 lbs. Granted, most of that was just plain "on a boat on the sea for a week" bloat. And, I was Day 4 of that TOM. So, as much I would like to say I've lost 13.5 lbs.... really, I've lost 6. But, it is incredible and I will take it. I still have another 10 days. I've already gone ahead and ordered another set of 14-Day supplements for the Max Phase.

I just feel good. I'm eating clean..... not perfect, but pretty darn good. I'm staying away from all "white" foods and keeping my carb sources to mainly be from fruits and veggies. The past two Mondays, I've gone to group birthday dinners..... both Mondays, I had one bite of the shared dessert. The past two Fridays, I've gone to lunch with Billie Jo.... we always go to a FroYo place after and both Fridays, I've had a small cup (about 4 oz) of FroYo with some blueberries. That is the extent of my sweets.

While the idea of some yummy Fall treats have piqued my interest (um, caramel apple cookies and pumpkin cream cheese pound cake, anyone?), I really haven't had to tear myself away from anything that was actually sitting in front of me. Thankfully, the cravings aren't there.

I don't know how much I will ultimately lose, but I know I feel amazing. And, with the Fall, I need to feel amazing. Let me tell you, this Advocare stuff is legit.

This or That

It is 1:30pm and I still do not know what I'm eating for lunch :/

Instead of facing that question, I will join up with Erin and Whitney's link-up....

Vacationing in Florida or vacationing in NYC: The Big Apple, every time. I'm a native Floridian. While I *love* my home state, I don't want to vacation in it. NYC is one of my favorite places to visit, ever.

iPhone or Droid: iPhone.... It took me forever to move to a smart phone. Once I finally did, there was no going back. I heart my iPhone.

NSYNC or Backstreet Boys: NSYNC..... I just loved them. And, seeing as one of them is still a bonafide superstar, I feel that their talent speaks for itself.

Being forced to delete Facebook or being forced to delete Twitter: While I like Twitter... a lot... I'd give it up. Most of my 'real life' friends are on FB.

Fireball or Miller Lite: Neither........ Sorry. So sorry.

Full House or Family Matters: I have seen every episode of Full House at least 6 times. At least I used to have the books, the boardgame, and the dolls. Need I say more?

 
Dumbledore or Gandalf: Dumbledore. Because I love Harry Potter.

Dying Easter eggs or Carving pumpkins: Dying Easter eggs.... That is still fun.

NFL or NCAAF: NCAAF..... Go Gators!!!

 
A hangover forever or sobriety forever: Sobriety..... While I like a good buzz, every now and again, I can live with never taking a sip, again.

January or July: January in Florida pretty much rocks.

Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus: Oh, dear. I wish she and all traces of her would go away, so that I can name my daughter Miley as I've wanted to do for about 15 years.

Shark Week or Fashion Week: Fashion Week.... I really have no interest in either, but I'd go with Fashion Week if I had to choose.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or Saved by the Bell: Saved by the Bell

Britney or Christina: Cristina seems to have her life a little more together, these days, but overall I was more of a Britney fan.

Burrito or Burrito Bowl: Burrito Bowl....I love me a Burrito Bowl, where I can mix everything up properly.

Reading blogs on your phone or reading blogs on your computer: I *hate* reading blogs on my phone. Computer, every time.

Angelina or Jennifer: Jennifer..... There are very few times when I'm a fan of Angelina.

Doug Funny or The Rugrats: The Rugrats irritated me. Doug Funny.

An open mouth chewer or a heavy breather: Oh, this kills me. I abhor both. I guess I'd go with Heavy Breather. Open Mouth Chewing literally makes me want to be violent.

A Memory Relived....

     Tuesday, September 17: A memory you would love to relive.     I hold onto memories for dear life. Good and bad. So, it's almost like I relive them, anyway.   However, I LOVED everything about Christmas, last year. It was just perfect, all around. We had family in town, we laughed harder than we've ever laughed, and I got a surprise visit from TG. I'm praying that the holidays live up to that, this year.

I'm Back..... Hopefully.....

Well, hey there! So, it wasn't my intention to go three weeks and half the month of September without posting a darn thing. However, it happened. Life (mostly the good parts of it) happened. I spent the week after my birthday FRANTICALLY trying to get ready to go on vacation. We are talking working late into multiple evenings and then going home to do laundry, pack, etc.

I had a week of glorious vacation. I shall share..... hopefully sooner rather than later.

Then, I spent all of last week playing a desperate catch-up.

So, now I am back and hopefully will be better about this whole blogging thing. 

I participated in "Blog Every Day In May" and really enjoyed it. So, when Jenni announced Blogtember, I wanted to be on board. I guess two out of four weeks will have to do!

Monday, September 16: Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.)

To my dear friend, Billie Jo:

How thankful I am for our friendship!!! There is something great about having a friend that you've known since you were in high school, but didn't quite become friends with until you were both adults. Our families treat each of us as "additional daughters" and we tell each other things that probably only sister-like friends share.

See, we are both lucky to be surrounded by phenomenal families and friends, but we are so much alike that I think we "get" one another in ways that our families don't always. Mainly, it is because our families are super protective of us, so they caution against us getting hurt. The two of us understand that sometimes you have to allow yourself the option of getting hurt before you end up getting what you truly want. They always say that your true friends will tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear. While that certainly doesn't apply to you exclusively.... we each have other loved ones that "truth" us.... we also know how to share what needs to be heard in a unique way.

Recently, several close friends/family members have shared concerns about me getting hurt. They don't want me getting hurt and so their natural tendency is to tell me "stay away" or "don't read anything into it." They say it so much so that when YOU get excited and bring it up on your own, I'll ask why you think I shouldn't be doing exactly what the worrieds tell me to do. Your answer?

"I don't want you to get hurt, either. In fact, I'm tied for the LAST person that wants you to get hurt. But, I also don't want you to spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if.' And, I know you will. So, while I want you to be careful, I don't want you to ignore a possibility."

Sometimes, we just need to hear that following our heart is the correct thing to do. Especially when you're over-analytical, like me. We will talk and talk and talk something over. But, at the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that we just want some assurances that we're "backed up."

That is who you are, to me. And, I'm more grateful for it than you will ever know!