And, the story continues...

It's been a little while since I've mentioned "The Guy." Let's see, lol... where do I begin?

Things have been different over the past few weeks. I got to a point where I felt the need to pull back. I needed to create some distance. I *know* he cares, just not in what capacity, and I can't let myself be taken for granted. Sometimes, I think he does.

So, while I emotionally was giving myself a break, he didn't like that. Not one bit. I wasn't ignoring him, I just wasn't seeking him out. He ended up doing a lot of the seeking. I wasn't expecting it, but he actually stepped up a bit.

Because I was at a point of not caring what he thought, I ended up asking him some hard questions about himself. Specifically.... Is this why you can't commit to anyone or anything right now in your life? and Can you think of at least one marriage that you know of that doesn't sound like pure torture? Just one, where you think that it might work out? Those two were two of the big ones. I wouldn't accept his deflections or attempts to lighten things up, like I usually do. Neither the questions nor the answers related to me being a part of the equation. Really, that wasn't why I was asking. I just needed to hear his real answers. Again, he stepped it up and gave some honest answers... ones that I actually respect.

Then, I got out of my funk. He's going through an extremely hard time, right now, and I've become his sounding board. He *seems* to want me around, a lot. We talk a lot both inside and outside of work. He comes to sit in my office.... just to sit. Sometimes he talks, sometimes we'll both just do our individual work. Last week, he asked me to go to lunch with him one day. Another day, lunch was delivered from a local restaurant by surprise. He asked me to eat with him at his desk.... it was kind of sweet.

To be perfectly honest, I still don't know where I stand with him. I'm not convinced that he completely gets the value he has in me.

On the other hand, I do like how we've been, lately. I'm still slightly pulled back. He's doing a lot of the "driving." When we're together, it's good.

I'd still like prayer, please. Mentally and emotionally, I'm in a pretty good place. But, I'd like to eventually know where I stand and where I need to go from there.

Oh.. one more thing.... I have a few friends that express concern that I'm not giving myself the chance to see what else is out there. If you should be worried about that.... there may be another "option" right now. I don't know where it will go or if it will go. It just a very easy flirtation, at this point. I'm letting it be fun and carefree, at this moment. We'll see, lol.

80's Night at The Tropicana

I consider myself a baseball fan, by proxy. My brother has played baseball most of his life and basically breathes the sport. I wouldn't even begin to count the hours that have been spent at parks, watching him play. Every family vacation we go on includes going to a game in that city.

Hence, I've been to more baseball stadiums than most. Men have been known to drool when I list where I've been to see games played (Fenway and the old Yankees stadium get the biggest reactions). Shoot, I've even been to Cooperstown - the home of the Baseball Hall of Fame, for those of you who don't know.

All that said, I understand the game. I even like it... not necessarily for 9 innings... but, I like it.

Tonight, I headed over the bridge to Tropicana Field to see the Rays play the Florida Marlins. We had some extra tickets from a giveaway at the station, so a few of my friends and I decided to go. It also happened to be 80's Night. Pat Benatar was performing after the game. They played 80's music and old movie clips throughout the evening.... super fun!!

Here's Billie Jo and I, awaiting the 6th inning, lol. We promised each other that we would wait until the 6th inning to go get our Dippin Dots. Only problem with waiting that long is that the Banana Split was all gone.

I forgot my camera and that's the only picture I took with my phone. Billie Jo's boyfriend, Steve, came along, as well as her sister Jenny and their cousin Brittany.

We waited to watch the concert. We actually had wristbands to get on the field. Then, we saw the line to get on the field and decided Pat wasn't worth it, lol. Hopefully, we'll be able to finagle it when Smash Mouth comes next month.

It was a fun night! I'll be honest and say that I didn't really pay attention to the game until about the 7th inning. But, it's always a fun atmosphere and the food is good, lol!

Weekly Workout Blog....

Week 3:

Sunday: Nothing

Monday: Curves and 30 minutes on the Elliptical (I seriously almost didn't make it 30 minutes... I had to push and then push some more, lol. Usually, I'm fine, but it was rough today)

Tuesday: 20 minutes Pilates

Wednesday: 30 minutes on the Elliptical and 30 minutes on the Treadmill

Thursday: Nada

Friday: 30 mins on the Elliptical, 30 mins on the Treadmill, and 20 mins Pilates

Saturday: Technically, nothing. However, I went to a baseball game and it was literally a 15 min hike (mainly uphill) to the stadium. Then, another 15 back. Just saying.

Grade: B.... still didn't get all of my Pilates in. I think it's because I do it at home and by the time I get home, I just want to veg. We're working on it, though, lol.

Goals for this upcoming week:

• Go to Curves at least once
• 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine at least 3 times
• Pilates at least 3 times
• Walk - either by lake or on treadmill at least twice

Wes from The Bachelorette....

I really hope he does make it in the business. I hope he gets to the point of going on a radio tour. I hope I get the opportunity to tell him what an absolute tool he is!

I get it... he has dreams of a singing career. But, to use someone who has legitimate feelings for you? On national television? Not cool, Wes.... not cool.

What does he think? That people who work "in the business" aren't watching?

Really, Wes? You don't think that your actions are going to come back to bite you in the butt?

Well, if they don't anywhere else, they certainly will should I ever get to meet him.

Little fact about radio..... when an artist gets signed on a label, they usually go on what's called a radio tour. They go around the country, meeting stations and performing for them. Usually, there is an album or a single coming out. Basically, they are there to get us to like them and their music, so that we'll play them when their songs come out.

Another little fact about radio... only about 1 in 10 of the artists/groups we meet actually get their music played on our station. If that. Most of the people we meet, you'll never hear of in your life. Sadly, some of the coolest people, don't make it.

If you ever hear of a group called Due West or a singer named Jerrod Neimann... buy their album. Please. Seriously, DW are some of the coolest guys, ever. And, Jerrod is freaking hot... and fun to hang out with, lol.

All that to say.... I hope Wes comes out on a radio tour and is one of those 9 in 10... just so I can scold him for being such a jerk, lol.

Weekly Workout Blog

Week 2.....

Sunday: 30 minutes on the Elliptical and 40 minutes on the Treadmill

Monday: Curves, 30 minutes on the Elliptical, and 30 minutes on the Treadmill

Tuesday: nada

Wednesday: 30 minutes on the Elliptical

Thursday: Curves and 45 minutes Walking

Friday: Worked a 16 hour day (again)... nothing

Saturday: Worked.... in the heat... nada

Grade for this week: I'm going with an A. I didn't do Pilates, at all, but I walked more than my goal and I also went to Curves more than my goal. I still need to work on being more consistent with Pilates, though.

Goals for this upcoming week:

• Go to Curves at least once
• 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine at least 3 times
• Pilates at least 3 times
• Walk - either by lake or on treadmill at least twice

Weekly Workout Blog....

Week One begins....

Sunday: nada... I was a lazy bum all day

Monday: 45 minutes walking and 20 minutes Pilates

Tuesday: Curves and 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine

Wednesday: 30 mins on the Elliptical machine and 30 mins on the Treadmill

Thursday: Besides running up and down the stairs at work, nothing. I *planned* on going to the gym, but ended up going to dinner with a friend at the last minute. We haven't seen each other in for-ev-er.... it was awesome to sit and chat.

Friday: Worked a 15 hour day... so, yeah, nothing

Saturday: 30 minutes on the Elliptical and 30 minutes Pilates

Grade for this week: B.... I met all of my goals but one. I only did Pilates twice (instead of 3 times). Overall though, I did pretty well.

Goals for this upcoming week:

• Go to Curves at least once
• 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine at least 3 times
• Pilates at least 3 times
• Walk - either by lake or on treadmill at least twice

Those are actually the same goals as last week. Since I didn't quite make the goals I had, I think I should probably just try again, rather than trying for more, lol.

Show me the money!

I was a substitute teacher for 4 years. The school board for which I worked had a Social Security Alternative Plan for its part-time employees. Basically, the money that would normally be taken out for SS was put into an account.

When I first became a sub, they said that after 90 days of not subbing, you're taken out of the system. Meaning.... you are no longer employed by the School Board. They said that once that happens your money would then be mailed to you.

You can imagine how much moolah I've accumulated in 4 years. It's a nice chunk of change. About twice a year, they've sent me a statement with the amount. About twice a year, I've become excited over the growing stash.

Well, the last day I subbed was January 13th. Clearly, I'm no longer employed by the school system. I've been wondering when I'd get my nice little check in the mail. Today, I called about it and they told me they have to send me a form to fill out. Once I fill out the form, it will take 60-90 days for them to release the funds.

Oh, come on!

Approximately 16 week countdown.....

In approximately 16 weeks, my cousin Heidi and her family are coming to Florida. We're not sure about the exact dates, but it's supposed to be in the Fall. So, I'm saying somewhere around 16 weeks.

Anyway, we made a goal to lose 25 pounds by the time we saw each other again. I haven't *really* been trying. However, I'm going to work really hard over the next few months to get it right. Even if I could make 10 pounds, I'd be thrilled.

I've decided to use this blog as an accountibility partner. I've found that in order for me to lose weight, I have to exercise and exercise hard. Obviously, I have to watch what I eat, too.... but, it's the working out that does it for me. If I'm doing the right amount of exercise, I can pretty much eat what I want (within reason) and still lose weight.

My plan is to do a weekly workout blog. Do me a favor.... if I don't post a new one each week.... yell at me. Otherwise, I'll probably drop the ball.

BTW.... This week....

Wednesday - 25 minutes on the Elliptical machine. I was supposed to walk the lake with Billie Jo, too, but when we got down there, it started lightening.

Thursday - 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine; 15 minutes of Pilates

Saturday - 20 minutes of Pilates

Grade - eh.... C-... I could have done better.

Goals for upcoming week:

• Go to Curves at least once
• 30 minutes on the Elliptical machine at least 3 times
• Pilates at least 3 times
• Walk - either by lake or on treadmill at least twice

Grrrrr.....

I'm very irritated, right now.

We're doing a promotion with a fairly big company. I sent in the proposal about two months ago.

Well, Monday morning, I get tickets in the mail from said company. Apparently, the promotion got approved.... only, they neglected to tell us that. I immediately ran upstairs to my office to pull up the proposal to see when this was supposed to run.

6/5 - 6/19.

Whew.... Still cutting things close, because this company requires approval on EVERYTHING. But, at least the promotion wasn't supposed to already be running.

I spent about an hour on Monday writing up production orders and getting all my little ducks in a row, so that everyone would have a couple days to get things done. Even if they waited until Wednesday, I'd still have time to get it approved.

Well, the week goes on and I start getting things turned in and approved. Looks like we're good to go.

Then, about 45 minutes ago, I get a call from our Traffic Director. She had a question about the Time Order I turned in.

It was a rather inane question, but I answered it.

Then, I started thinking.....

Why is she asking me a question about an order that was supposed to start about 15 hours ago?

I went into the two studios that this promotion affected to look at the logs.

It was nowhere on there.

That's effing fabulous.

The promos that were supposed to be running all day today, never ran. At best, they'll start running tomorrow. That's if she puts it in correctly.

I haven't yelled. I calmly went to my computer and started typing a blog.

I would chalk it up to a simple human error (we all make them). However, she's done this to 3 other people in the past 2 weeks.

I'm seriously annoyed, right now. If my graphics and IT people.... and the promo production people... can get all of their stuff together in 3 1/2 days, then she should be able to log it in during that time.

Grrrrr.

Just like Gigi?

*Warning - this post is entirely about "The Guy" and my search for a reality check.... sorry, I have to type it out*

Ok, so this morning, I was walking into work (slightly late) and my phone rang. It was our receptionist telling me that there was someone at the front desk for me. As I was hanging up and rushing inside to get it taken care of, my phone started going off like crazy. I suddenly had two missed calls, a voicemail, and two text messages. All from "The Guy."

I took care of the listener (who clearly gets up way too early in the morning) and then checked my missed messages. He called me at 7:30 and 7:40. Then, he texted at 8:11 and 8:45. Apparently, he had to rush one of his friends to the ER last night and it's some big ordeal. He had a busy day scheduled and was basically asking me if I could get a hold of the proper people to get everything covered.

I called him back. By that point he had taken care of some of the appointments. He was stressed and was venting to me about the past couple of hours.... no details on who he took or why, just that it had been a bad night. Then, I heard some sort of commotion, he said he had to go, and he hung up.

All very strange.

Throughout the morning, we texted back and forth. He was still at the hospital and needed a few more things handled, plus I think he just needed to vent some more. I did my thing and got done what he needed done.

Later on in the afternoon (several hours later), he ended up texting me, "Thanks for your help today."

I texted Heidi and sort of told her the strangeness of the whole thing. Coincedentally, she watched "He's Just Not That Into You" last night. It all ended up in this texting marathon about how she's afraid I'm Gigi at that party (something I've mentioned I related to). Now, I've never literally thrown myself at him, but I'm definitely the consumate helper.

Heidi's worried that I'm setting myself up.... that 1) we're too good of friends and/or 2) he's taking me for granted. It's a high possibility that I'm just "good ole Jess." But, I can't help hoping and thinking that there's the chance there can be more. I always say to her that I wish she knew "us" (she's never met him), so she could see why I think there's something, even though I do fear there isn't.

I can't ignore the other nagging concerns. If he were into me, wouldn't he just be with me? I try really hard to ignore the end of the movie where Alex figures out that Gigi was right all along and he did have feelings for her. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm the rule and not the exception, no matter how much I'd like to be.

I'm praying a lot about it.

Clearly, from today, he knows he can depend on me. He knows that he can trust me. Sometimes, he chooses not to.... but, more often than not, he does.

I just don't know. And, I'm trying really hard to figure it out.

There's the whole Taylor Swift song....

I'm the one who makes you laugh, when you know you're about to cry.

I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams.

Don't you know where you belong, don't you know it's with me?

.... which is written by a 19 year old. But, that's why I love her music. It's sweet and innocent, but it's also relatable. To me, aside from the blatant high school references, it simply describes a lot of what we feel in life. And, that song describes (again, aside from the HS part) what our relationship is like.

Despite the weird "we're friends but sometimes seem like more, but we work together and we just don't know" vibe, it's actually really, really easy between the two of us. We get each other. Most people probably wouldn't look at us and think we would, but we do.

The best part is the random people who ask us if we're together.... or, refer to us as an old married couple because we bicker, but seem to like it.... when they don't actually know us.

I'm just stuck wondering.... am I just the friend that he knows will be there and is taking advantage of? Or, is there something there?

Am I the exception or the rule?

Seriously, no clue.

*** If you've made it this far.... thanks. Typing this out actually helps me, even though I feel it makes me look really pathetic, lol.***

A big ole scaredy cat.

It is a fairly well-known fact about me that I startle easily.... especially at work. We have all of these sharp corners and doors without windows, so I frequently will turn a corner and be startled by a person coming the opposite direction.

"The Guy" was the one who discovered it and has used it to his full advantage for a good long while. There was a point when we were frequently the only ones in the building and he would invent new ways to scare me.

Since then, other coworkers have managed to scare the living crap out of me. Whether on purpose or on accident, they always get a laugh out of it.

I just get into a zone and don't really hear or see anything until it's right there.

Anyway, today I was using a dolly to bring some boxes from downstairs to my supply closet. I rarely take the elevator, but needed to with the dolly. As I was coming around the open lobby catwalk thingy, one of my coworkers jumped out from the stairwell and shouted "BOO!"

I screamed so loud that I scared the receptionist and had 4 other people running from their offices to see what was wrong!!!

"The Guy" came from his cubicle on the other side of the building to see what happened. He then admitted that was the best scare ever (and trust me, he's gotten me good).

My coworker who scared me was about to pee her pants from laughing so hard. Luckily for her, I took it in good humor. However, I did declare that I was not going to get in trouble for disturbing the work environment. If anyone complained, she was going to take the blame!