Open Letters

Dear Face,

You are 28. You are not a 14 year old boy.

How about obeying the great cleansing process I put you through and clearing up?

Signed,

Tired of gross skin

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Dear Sleep,

Is there any way that I could multiply you? Like, for every minute, it feels like three?

Signed,

Just Tired

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Dear Work,

I am so glad that business is good.

However, if there is anyway that you could stop being so crazy before the beginning of June, I'd appreciate it.

Signed,

Need An Asst.... Or A Raise

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Dear Siri,

I love you.

That's all.

Signed,

Proud IPhone 4S Owner

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Dear FD,

I wasn't talking to you. Then, I drank a bit of wine over the weekend and I stopped caring that I was mad at you.

Hence, the texts.

You aren't off the hook, just yet. You'd be wise to remember that.

Signed,

Wine Is Your Friend

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Dear Rear End,

I'm going to kick you into shape, if it's the last thing I do.

Signed,

Smaller Size Wanted

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Dear Stomach and Waist,

Talk to your neighbor downstairs.

Signed,

Taking No Prisoners