Open Letters......

Dear Neck and Shoulders,

I'm extremely tired of you and your inability to just be pleasant. I heat you, I stretch you, I buy special pillows for you, I self-massage you, I beg other people to massage you....... Nothing works.

So, be prepared. Due to your stubbornness, I'm now going to seek a medical professional to whip you back into shape.

Signed,

My entire left side can hardly move

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Dear Otter Box,

Thank you for finally making cases that are durable AND pretty. Now that you have that covered, could you light a fire under your screen protector department? Those suck.

Signed,

Walmart makes better screen protectors

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Dear Jess,

Stop being lazy and unmotivated. It's not a good look for you.

Signed,

Your hips

Your thighs

Your waistline

Your stomach

Your pants

Your tops

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Dear 'The Bachelor' franchise,

THANK YOU for making the most hysterical and cringe-worthy limo introductions episode ever. I was laughing and hiding my face under a blanket.

Props to whomever had the idea to get half the girls drunk and relaxed for a few hours before bringing on the other half. Their spying and running commentary was almost Michelle Money worthy.

AND.... The fact that it was daylight when the rejects were doing their exit interviews? Priceless.

Signed,

Tara and Crazy Eyes are going to be entertaining

P.S. - PLEASE hire Michelle Money to actually do running commentary!! Like, she really should live with all these girls, but not compete for the man, and then just tell us her hilarious opinion.

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 Dear Target,

I do not appreciate the fact that Valentine's Day cards AND bathing suits are already in full display. 

Signed,

Single and Spring is a couple months away