Running Into Arms

You know how when you're a kid and you get hurt or sad, you would just run into your mommy's arms and suddenly everything would be ok?

I miss that feeling.

I mean, to this day, sometimes I need a hug from my mom, when I am sick or sad. Sadly, though, the feeling of "Everything will be alright" isn't quite the same. I guess it's because we know too much, now.

Anyway, the end of last week (Thurs-Sat) was something of a nightmare, work-wise. There were some good points, but overall, I really wished I'd been somewhere else. Saturday night, when I was finally done with this event, I had a migraine. Like, my vision was starting to blur on my drive home, migraine.

PS - I have only gotten about five migraines in my entire life.

A good dose of meds that knocked me out took care of it and I awoke yesterday morning with a clear head, but the things that led up to it were just awful.

So many times throughout the event, I felt like running away. Just throwing my hands up, getting into my car, and leaving.

I kept wishing for a bear hug. One that would make all the bad stuff go away. Where I'd feel safe and calm and not so frustrated.

Then, yesterday morning, I went to church. We sang the first couple songs and then we started one that we haven't done in a while. I've always liked it before, but it hit me differently this time.

The chorus goes....

Oh, I'm running to Your arms.

I'm running to Your arms.

The riches of Your love will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign.

I actually started to cry.

What we were singing was what I was exactly the feeling I was looking for, all weekend long. I wanted to run into arms. To be embraced.

And, singing it at church, that is what I found myself doing.

I wanted to throw myself down and bawl, honestly. Out of relief and regret.

Relief that I had been reminded what I really needed.

Regret because I let myself forget.

I wish I didn't get into these patterns. Where I'll remember things and get a renewed spirit about something.... and then eventually, I let the fire die.

It can be applied to just about everything, but most of all, my relationship with Jesus.

Let me be clear..... my faith never wavers. That is never an issue I have.

No. My problem is that I try to take things upon myself and don't let Him have the control. Or, I don't go to Him when I'm frustrated.... annoyed.... or stressed.

Wouldn't it be easier if we could just let ourselves run into His arms, everyday, all day?

Christmas 2011: Building Houses

Over the next week or so, I'll be recapping the holidays.

Out of order, somewhat.

If you know me, you know that this is slightly painful. I like things in chronological order. When I print pictures, I like them to stay in the order they were taken.

Anyway, I have lots of fun things from the Fall and Christmas to share, but I'm probably going to be sharing them out of order.

Hopefully, we will all live.

Megan and Bryan visited for almost two weeks and one of the things my mom wanted to do was build Gingerbread Houses. It was something that was also on my Bucket List.

However, the chosen day was one where I had made plans to celebrate a friend's birthday with mani/pedis and dinner. I'd also just gotten off of work to start my vacation (Dec 21).

When I came home, they were half in progress............

Megan and Patty were doing a pretty good job!

Poor Mom........... Construction is not in her future.

Megan was intent on making it work.

Even though I wasn't there for the whole time, we all had such a great time sitting at the kitchen table. We laughed and laughed.... ate candy.... and made fun of one another's efforts, lol.

I got in the action by creating a resident of said houses...........

The Year Of Sass

Remember my birthday back in August?

Clearly, you all have that glorious date marked in your calendars, right?

Anyway, shortly after my birthday, I posted on FB that "28 may be the year of sass" for me. Several people found it to be cute.

Then, came 2012.

Which is, most definitely, shaping up to be a Sassy Year.

I do not know what has gotten into me, but I've become blunt and honest and downright.... well, Sassy.

You're looking at... or reading the blog of.... the girl who NEVER sassed, as a child. In fact, I can count on one hand the amount of times that I semi-sassed my mom in 18 years of living. And, I got in trouble for even semi-sassing.

So, this is foreign ground.

But, I am apparently embracing it. And, other people around me are both shaking their heads in disbelief and chuckling in amusement.

All I need is a new pair of high heels, sunglasses, and some fun music to accompany me.

Open Letters

Dear Face,

You are 28. You are not a 14 year old boy.

How about obeying the great cleansing process I put you through and clearing up?

Signed,

Tired of gross skin

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Dear Sleep,

Is there any way that I could multiply you? Like, for every minute, it feels like three?

Signed,

Just Tired

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Dear Work,

I am so glad that business is good.

However, if there is anyway that you could stop being so crazy before the beginning of June, I'd appreciate it.

Signed,

Need An Asst.... Or A Raise

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Dear Siri,

I love you.

That's all.

Signed,

Proud IPhone 4S Owner

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Dear FD,

I wasn't talking to you. Then, I drank a bit of wine over the weekend and I stopped caring that I was mad at you.

Hence, the texts.

You aren't off the hook, just yet. You'd be wise to remember that.

Signed,

Wine Is Your Friend

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Dear Rear End,

I'm going to kick you into shape, if it's the last thing I do.

Signed,

Smaller Size Wanted

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stomach and Waist,

Talk to your neighbor downstairs.

Signed,

Taking No Prisoners

Perspective

Hi, everyone!

I just got back from another amazing trip to St. Jude. Expect a recap of the weekend, sometime this week.

Every time I come back from the trip, I come back with a renewed look on life. It usually lasts until just after our Radiothon. It is a feeling that I wish I could make last the rest of the 11 months of the year.

Generally speaking, I am pretty conservative. I try to be polite and considerate. I tend to play things safely.

I don't always speak my mind because I don't want to hurt anyone.

I don't act because I don't want to regret.

Then, I meet these kids. These amazing, beautiful kids. That are facing so much. That have so much hope.... so much LIFE.

And, I want to kick myself.

This weekend, I listened to the story of Marcus Luttrell. He is the lone survivor of Operation Redwing. He listened to his best friend in the entire world be killed and couldn't do anything about it. He faced members of the Taliban by himself. He crawled 7 miles while most of his major bones were broken to find some semblance of safety. He lives with the realization that 16 other people on his team died.... and that multiple others died trying to rescue him. Then, he got well and went out to protect our country again. The man had a room of over 1000 people completely spellbound for 90 minutes.

I heard his story and I met these kids.... and, I get so mad at myself for taking my own healthy, safe life for granted. I get so mad for worrying so much that I don't speak up.

So, I tend to use this month or so to take the bull by the horns. Even if it's fleeting, I try to make the most of my "newfound" (or regained) attitude.

As I did a couple years ago, I am taking this opportunity to take some scary steps.

Wish me luck, please.

Friday Tidbits

Well, we've made it through the first week of 2012. How is it going for everyone, so far?

This morning, I have some thoughts that I just had to share with you all.....

- Grey's Anatomy was at its best, last night. Truly an amazing episode. The show is a show that I've consistently loved its entire run. Shoot, I decided I would probably love it when the promos came out before it even aired.... and, I was right. Oh, there were things I've hated (ie, pretty much everything about Izzie that didn't have to do with her loving Alex) throughout the years. But, I kept watching. Because, of episodes like last night. The writers of that show have more respect for its history than any other show out there, imo. It probably helps that I've listened to their podcast for years, but I *know* that they purposefully remember things to pay homage to it's history and the fans that have watched every episode. They also have a knack for being able to insert the snarkiest and most real humor into the most critical situations. I love it because I'm like that.... something horrible will be happening and the most random (or inappropriate) thing will pop into my head. So, yes, last night was a great night to be a Grey's fan.

- I am SO in between sizes, right now. As in, one size is falling off of me most times and the other size is squeezing me most times. At this point, after the holidays, the size of pants that I wear one day is directly affected by my salt intake the day before. Today? Today is a day that most definitely follows a day of too much salt.

- I love English muffins. More specifically, my Light Whole Grain English muffins. I learned this morning that I prefer them toasted. They are ok without being toasted, but something about toasting them makes them so much better.

- I am a patient person. However, I'm waiting on a piece of news that is absolutely killing me to wait on. I was told on Tuesday that it would be two days. Now, it's Friday. I. want. an. answer.

- I really need to de-Christmas my blog. But, I've been too lazy to redo it. So, we'll just keep the Christmas tree up a little bit longer. Hopefully, I'll have time/initiative to do it, this weekend.

- Let's Fill in the Blanks......

1.   One of my favorite things to do when I have free time is read. I love to read and can lose myself in books.... which is why I don't have time to do it, very often.

2.   When I have free time I tend to an absolute laze. It's sad. Every now and then, when I've felt I've gotten enough lazy bones time, I'll get in a productive mood, but it's rare. I'm so busy all the time.... when I have free time I want to do only frivolous things.

3.  If I had an entire day completely to myself I would  sleep in a little. Wake-up and watch recorded programs or Live with Kelly (I still like her, even without Regis). Go out to eat lunch.... maybe go to the gym... either read or go see a movie.

4.  I would prefer to spend my free time (alone or with others...)  a little of both. During my vacation, I spend a good majority of my time catching up with friends and spending time with family. It was GREAT, but it was exhausting.... I don't think I've ever spent that much of my vacation in a car, lol. By last Friday, I was ready to do nothing and just be alone. So, I spent the whole day reading "Catching Fire."

5.  Most of my free time happens  on the weekend, if at all. 

6.  The best thing about free time is  that you can be productive or you can do nothing. You don't have a schedule or a plan.

7.  The next time I have free time I should probably  organize my living space but instead, I'll probably   catch up on recorded programs, go to Disney, or read a book, lol.

Back At Work...... :(

I love my job. But, boy, did I love those 12 days off. They ended WAY too soon.

So far, it has been a surprisingly easy day. Very low-key. It helps that our typical meetings for the day got postponed, so I've been able to leisurely catch up on emails, etc, instead of rushing around.


Other than that, it's been sort of bipolar........

1) It's currently 41 DEGREES outside at 11:50am. In Florida. So, what does my office building do? Turns on the air.

2) Thankfully, I am prepared for the one person who complains about it being stuffy (thus the air being turned on) and I have a space heater going on in my office. Everyone else may be freezing, but I'm warm and toasty.

3) FD decides today is a great day to piss me off. Which he started to do last Wednesday and just put the final nail in the coffin this morning. I have a lot of things to say to him on the subject, but when I talk to him, I'm too mad (blood boiling mad) to say anything. So, I give him one-word responses. While he calls me "Sweetie" and tells me how disappointed he is and how he wishes things could be different. Only, I don't giggle or tell him it's ok or tell him that I know he wishes it could be different. Because I don't buy it. If he wanted things to be different, they would be different. He does this crap too much for me to buy it. What he doesn't know (and hopefully, I'll eventually be able to tell him) is that he's done some pretty major damage with this latest stunt........ both in a professional sense and a personal sense, where I'm concerned.

4) Then, I got some awesome news from a friend. Like, I was almost crying tears of joy with her.

See? Bipolar. We'll see what the second half of the day brings, lol.

In with a New Year....

I hope everyone had a safe and Happy New Year!!!

Myself? I spent my evening at home, celebrating my brother's 19th birthday (it's kind of sweet that his friends like us enough to spend NYE with us) and playing with my new BFF, Siri.

Oh, and I spent a couple hours texting my awesome twin Marianne. Which was great, because not only has it been forever, but it was probably one of the funniest conversations known to man.

Anywhoodle.........

So far in 2012, I've read over 100 pages of the third book in The Hunger Games (um, I read the entire second book on Friday. Can we say addicted?), drank two cups of coffee w/ creamer, logged my points for the two cups of coffee w/ creamer (*sigh* Hi, WW), watched church online (according to my pastor, I'm still good people for watching online, but the super people were actually there in person), and spent 45 mins IMing (yes, IMing) with TG (yes, TG) after he started it (*sigh*.... you'll be proud of me for being the one to finally end the conversation).

So, what else do I have planned for the brand-spanking new 2012?

My immediate plans include finishing my book, heading to the mall in hopes of finding the planner I want that can't be found on my side of town, and potentially tiding up.

Then, I'll look onto bigger things.......

My annual trip to St. Jude :)

Recapping the last quarter of 2011 and letting you in on the first quarter of 2012 as it happens. I want to get back into a blogging groove.

Keeping up with my birthday goals.

Couch to 5K. I started it last Fall...... faltered..... slightly picked it back up..... then dropped it completely. Well, Siri and I have other plans for this year. My C25K app is installed. I have new running shoes purchased with my Kohls cash and some Christmas money. I'm ready. This needs to be the year of not walking, jogging, whining about it, RUNNING. You hear me? I will run. I will. No, really, I will.

Beyond that, I'm not really sure where 2012 will take me. There are all these FB statuses about how 2012 feels like "the best year YET." And, while I admire the optimism, I don't really share it. I mean, I'm not hoping for a bad year. I just don't know where it will lead. At all, really.

And, for the first time in my life, I'm perfectly ok with that.

Happy New Year, Everyone!!!!