Wow, it has been a while. A lot has gone on in the last year and a half. Mostly good, but some ugly.
Today is about the ugly. Today is about releasing resentment. It's December 2nd and I want the holidays to be HAPPY. I don't want ugly feelings to steal my joy.
Let's be clear, I am way over FD. Like, way over and done. However, he's still in my life, we're still friends, and he's still got a way of screwing things up.
For the past year, he's been "seeing" this British woman. She lives about 45 minutes away and has a kid (two to be exact, but one is grown) so it's an every-other-weekend situation. She's also still legally married to keep her Visa (if the government is reading this, do what you must).
Yes, you read all of that correctly.
In a lot of ways, this doesn't (and shouldn't) affect me. However, we go to the same gym (OTF) and have been for a couple years now. On "her" weekends, she comes and he's weird. He's weird with our mutual friends about her. When she's with him, he won't answer anyone's texts or phone calls (like, for the entire weekend). He never mentions her and when he does, he's noncommittal or iffey about their relationship. It's all very screwed up.
I've been over it (meaning their relationship) for a while now. It has affected our friendship and the way I view him. Then, on Halloween, he broke up with her. He realized it wasn't going anywhere (duh) and he called things off.
Then, his beloved (and I mean BELOVED) dog got sick and died. When I say that his friends and family all dreaded the day his dog would die, I'm not exaggerating. We have feared it for years.
Well, it happened and what does he do? He gets back together with her. He blew off his friends and family who were trying to check on him. He has literally thrown himself head first back into this failing situation.
All of us on the outside see the train coming off the tracks. We all get that this is grief avoidance. We all get that this is going to end even worse. But, we're just watching him do it.
Again, this shouldn't really affect me. It just does.
I used to really love this person. I got really hurt and confused by this person. But, I got past that and stayed friends with him. Now? I have such a lack of respect for him and his actions that I'm having a really hard time wanting to remain friends. That's hard and what I'm struggling with. I don't let friendships go easily.... I do value them.... And, I have valued our friendship for over ten years. There are parts of him that are still the sweet person I became friends with and so close with. There are reasons that we are friends and have stayed friends. There are reasons that I have fought with myself to keep this friend.
The person who is having a part-time relationship with a legally married woman so she can continue to defraud the government? Yeah, I don't like that person, at all. I'm coming to grips with it and still figuring out what to do with it.