Friday, May 18, 2012

Things I Don't Understand....

- Why chocolate will make you fat if you eat too much of it, when sometimes it is the only thing that will keep me sane.

- The same goes for ice cream.

- Monty Python

- Chemistry

- Why we decided that weekend are only two days.

- Why a guy won't just say, "No, I'm not into you like that." but will instead string you along.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Clearing the Cobwebs

Last week, I did one of those vague "something is going down, but I don't want to be specific" posts.

Well, I still can't be too specific, but I can tell you that I was fearless. And, I spoke. Oh, did I speak.

In fact, after the initial speaking that I posted about, I continued the trend throughout the week. It was one of those super rare weeks where filters fly away and obstacles crumple at your glance.

It was amazing, really. I felt on top of things. I felt like things were getting done!

I was eloquent, articulate..... just plain real.

The original conversation that I needed to have (that led me to quoting Taylor Swift, lol) actually had the following said at different points in the talk.....

Me: I hate stuff like this. I am so bad at these conversations.

Other Person: Well, you are doing a fine job, right now.

And, then....

Me: Aagghhh! I really hate this.

Other Person: I know what you mean. I'm horrible at either side... I never know the right words to say. Things get jumbled up and I don't get out everything I want to say.

Me: That is the amazing thing. Normally, I am the same way. However, I'm saying everything I need to say, right now. 

My point?
Through some sort of divine intervention from God, I had a week where my brain and my tongue matched. It doesn't happen often, folks.

Coincidentally, I also had my best jogging week ever.

I don't know if it was all the pent up thoughts that finally had release or what, but I jogged and jogged and jogged.

Like, I always hear about runner's high (which I've never experienced... I hate it) and how running allows you to "work stuff out in your head."

The only thing I ever work out while running is that I need to breathe more.

I mean, every second is a fight to breathe, hold in my core, and keep one foot going in front of the other.

Except last week. It was like I was dancing (where I find my head becomes the most clear). There were no thoughts about how much my legs hurt or how much longer I had to do this or how hot it was or anything like I normally think.

Nope, instead I had thoughts of strength and how I was going to keep going. Literally and figuratively.

Really, I have no major revelation to share. Things are still in a state of flux. Weeks like last week may not repeat themselves in such a great way. But, I just wanted to document it. Because, it's so rare and when I'm feeling down, I'd like to remember that it happened.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Be Fearless and Speak Now

I make no bones about the fact that I am a huge fan of Taylor Swift. More than her singing or performances, I greatly admire her way with words. I wish I was able to put pen to paper like she does.
She gets a lot of flack for being to immature or bubblegum, but I personally think her teenage self was brilliant at taking feelings and thoughts that we all have had at some point and expressing them in a thought-provoking way.
Her last two albums were titled 'Fearless' and 'Speak Now.' Oddly enough, they flow well into one another, don't you think? It takes some courage to speak your mind. To speak your heart.
In her words............ (Fearless)......
To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love even though you've been hurt before....... Fearless is to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else..... I think loving despite what some people think is Fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is Fearless. Letting go is Fearless. Then moving on and being alright, that's Fearless, too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is Fearless.

And, Speak Now....

'Speak now or forever hold your peace,' the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you.' When we should've said 'I'm sorry.' When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

These songs are made up of words I didn't say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind, telling them what I meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart I broke in December. To my first love who I never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for a while. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.

I've said all of that (with Ms. Swift's help) to say that over the past month or so (and even more in the past week), I've been building up some courage. I've decided to be a bit fearless.... at the risk of being rejected. I've practiced in my mind some things I need to say and I pray that when the time comes to speak, the right words will come to me.

Hopefully, I'll be able to elaborate on all of this later in the week. 

In the meantime, if you could send up a few prayers for me.... for peace, for clarity, and for courage.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Massive Phone Dump - Part One

So, I have had my phone for almost six months and have managed to collect a couple hundred pictures. Here is part one of the best.....

The best chocolate martini on the face of the planet. Otherwise known as, The Peabody Lobby Bar's Chocolate Martini.

This was dessert one night while I was in Memphis for St. Jude Seminar. I mean, really... immediate way to my heart.

Dolphins :)

Miss Abby turned FIVE back in January. FIVE. How is this possible? Anyway, I love her and her entire family. No, like all of them. Her siblings, her cousins, her aunts, her mom.... all of them. So, I was thrilled to be a part of her Rapunzel themed party.

Evan and I...... He rarely lets me take a picture with him, so this was a special treat, lol.

My most favorite Emma in the whole wide world.... and always up for a photo shoot!

Princess Hannah. She did NOT want me to hold her to take a picture, but she gladly peeked from behind her mom's (my best friend Meg) knee to give me a cheesy grin.

Prince David. His one demand before taking a shot was that I put on his sunglasses. Silly boy.

Back in February, we took Lydia to eat breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and Friends. Um, it was delicious. Seriously, so good.

Our St Jude Radiothon is a killer. Two 15+ hour days in a row. Super emotional. Super intense. And, at some point (or two or three).... super loopy. My interns went NUTS on me about two-thirds of the way through Day Two. Delirious, I tell you. This is them with their "St. Jude" song (to the theme of 'I'm Sexy And I Know It').

This was my first ice hockey game. In fact, this was the first sporting event that I went to at this particular arena. I'd been to countless concerts and even my own college graduation... but never a sporting event. This was my documentation of that occasion :)