Monday, September 29, 2014

Saga of TG: New Chapter

Some of you may have seen this on IG. Most of you probably don't care. And, all of you are probably like, "Wait, why are we still talking about him?"

But, this has always been my place to document my life, so I'm going to share.

The Guy came to town last week. If you recall, it's been five years since he's moved and almost two years since he's been back. Ironically, this past Friday (the day he got here and I first saw him) was one year to the day since I found out that he was having a baby.

As I said in the baby post, I'd long ago given up hope or really wanting anything with him. I really had stopped thinking that we were ever going to be anything but friends. But, when I found out in such a harsh way that he was having a baby, it brought back ALL those things I once wanted and never got. It took some time to process. And, the hurt took a bit to get over.

Eventually, I did. Eventually, we started talking again. And, about 5 or 6 months ago, I was talking with him on the phone (we usually text once every 2-4 weeks, sometimes more and sometimes less.... and, we usually chat on the phone every couple months) and when I got off the phone, it hit me. I was COMPLETELY over him. Like, I was happy to catch up, but it just dawned on me that I'd healed.

Eight and a half years ago, he literally walked into a room and changed my world. It sounds dramatic, but he did. I've learned, I've grown, I've had my heart broken, I've healed, and I've really learned what unconditional love is because of this man.

It's been a LONG time coming. A really long time. But, it finally came. I think it happened gradually, but I just stopped being "in love." I still adore him and he still means the world to me, but my heart strings were cut.

Then, I found out he was coming to town. As excited as I was to see him, I was a little nervous. After all, it's really easy to think you are over someone when they live three states away. We chatted a couple times about his visit. We knew we would see each other at the station (he was coming into town for some business), but he still said that we needed to get together outside of that. I was feeling the excitement you feel when your best friend or favorite relative is coming for a visit..... but, I was still worried that I'd slip back into old habits when I actually saw him.

Friday morning, I went into the station and he was already there. He was sitting in on one of the talk shows and during a break I went in to say Hi. Cue him looking at me, "HEY! It's you!" and jumping up to give me a big hug. In between going on different stations and doing interviews, he basically claimed his old spot in my office to chill. We got to chat a little, but it was busy and a lot of people were coming in to talk with him. It was just really fun/weird to have him back in his old stomping grounds, which are still my stomping grounds. In some ways, it felt like he still belongs here and in other ways, it was so weird.

I invited him to go to HHN with me and some friends that night. He wanted to, but didn't end up going at the last minute. His mom was also in town and wanted him to hang out with her, lol. So, we made plans to meet up for breakfast Saturday morning.

We did meet up for breakfast and though it was quick (he had a speaking engagement to get to), we still had a good time. Like always, we basically talk about everything and nothing. 45 minutes later, he had to rush out, we grabbed a quick pic (because the one from the day before was blurry), he gave me a hug, and told me, "See you later, you."

That was pretty much it. I went about my day and the rest of my weekend. We shot quick texts to one another last night.

Meanwhile, I had a bunch of people being super concerned. It was sweet, but funny. My poor BIL saw a picture of him on FB and cautiously asked my sister if I knew he was in town. My sister, fearing that he had a death wish and didn't tell me he was in town, texted my cousin to make sure I knew. My cousin was aware that all was well, lol.

I also had people doing "check ins" to make sure I was emotionally ok. So, I have spent the last few days explaining to everyone that I am, in fact, over him. There were no heart flutters at the sight of him, there was no tears or overwhelming sadness when he was gone.....

Simply put, I've moved on.

He is still one of my favorite people in the world. I will always care about him and his well-being. However, I can definitely, without a doubt say that I do not feel that way about him anymore.

As I told my Ninny, "Look, I will never say never. Who knows what God has in store for me. However, God has taken that desire out of my heart. For years, I've prayed that if TG wasn't in HIS plan for me to take the desire out and He finally did."

So, friends, it's been a long road, but I can say there is a new chapter in the story of The Guy. "Friends for Real"

Again, you may have seen this on IG. But, since all of this started on this little blog o mine and you've spent years reading about my seemingly-neverending-love, I thought at least one picture was owed of this previously nameless, faceless man.......

The Guy and I

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A change of self.........

Everyone says that 30s are so much better than your 20s.... you become more centered, you know yourself better, etc, etc. Having officially been here for a year, I can say that is proving itself to be true.

We all have weak moments. Moments of insecurity. Moments where our ugliness rears its head.

But, I find myself having these issues less and less.

Over the past 24 hours, I have found myself in a battle. I have a coworker that increasingly oversteps bounds and makes it known that he/she has very little regard for my position.

At first, I became angry. Then, I tried to fight passive-aggression with passive-aggression. Then, I became emotional (angry AND teary). Then, I got a few pieces of advice. Then, I became resolute and stood up for myself.

I'm not sure that this person got the point, but I am pretty sure our managers did. 

I find myself doing this more often, too. It is NOT in my nature to stand up for myself... and, when I do, it usually comes out as pure emotion. So, I'm working on being logical and reasonable.

I'm also working (and it is WORK) on caring less about being the people-pleasing, head-nodding, smiling, "do as I'm told with no questions asked", good little girl.

Several times this week, alone, I've asked myself, "Do I let this go or do I take the opportunity to stand up for myself?"

In one instance, I let it go. It doesn't matter.

In another instance, I let it go, but made a pact with myself not to let it happen again.

In the instance yesterday afternoon and this morning, I took a stand.

I feel a lot of things about myself changing...... Or, not so much changing, but coming to my true self. It's a pretty great feeling.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Birthday Fun........

My birthday weekend a few weeks ago and was a pretty great birthday weekend. In an attempt to just remember the small, sweet moments, I'll take you through the weekend......

Friday night, I went over to Winter Park to visit with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin. My cousin Natacia was moving back into school for her Sophomore year. It's been great having her just a couple hours away...... she tends to be pretty busy, but whenever Aunt Teresa visits, I do, too. So, I've seen them quite a bit over the past year, which has been wonderful!!

We ate a super yummy Italian dinner and then walked around a bit, just chatting. While we visiting, I got a text from my sister asking if I'd like to join them at their 3D/4D ultrasound the next day. Ummmm, YES!

I eventually said my goodbyes and made my way home. Megan, Bryan, and I had a race in the morning.... which Bry and I completed. We were both HORRIBLE, but we did it. Megan has been having Braxton Hicks, so she decided to sit this race out.

Around noon, we all headed to the Ultrasound. My little niece was NOT cooperating. She had her hands over her face, her knees curled under her chin, and her little ankles crossed. After some prodding from my mom, I got up and started talking directly to her belly (I do this every time I see my sister and the babe will start moving around).

So, I started crooning, "Shelby... Auntie Kecka's here! Shelby, come out and play!"

I. Am. Not. Lying. She moved her hands and squinted one eye open. Everyone started freaking out. I kept talking to her and we finally were able to get one clear shot of her face. Like, none of this was specifically for ME, but it was still a pretty awesome gift :)

Sunday morning, Billie Jo and I headed to Disney for part of the day. We both wanted to ride the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, so we got to the park right as it was opening. We grabbed a Starbucks and got in line. It was only about a 45 minute wait, which was perfect for sipping and chatting. The ride was very cute!

Disney and Starbucks... A match made in Heaven :)

We walked around, rode some rides, and basically enjoyed an easy day at Disney. At 2pm, we had reservations at Beaches & Cream Soda Shop. It's at the Beach Club Resort. Neither of us had ever been, but it was really good and just so charming!!!

We split the chicken sandwich and, after much deliberation, shared "Mickey's Sink."

It was every bit as good as it looked. We couldn't finish it. Our next mission is to get a larger group there to split their "Everything and the Kitchen Sink."

We headed back home, so that I could celebrate with my birthday buddy. Since our birthday was on a Monday and getting everyone together would be difficult, the WHOLE family got together for dinner and to celebrate Anthony and I.

My cousin Heidi made my MOST FAVORITE meal..... Pumpkin Sage Sausage pasta. Soooo good.

Ninny hadn't seen Megan or her preggo belly for a while, so she decided to give Shelby some love...

After dinner, we had ice cream cake and opened presents. It was a fun gathering.

Jess and Anthony.... The August 25ths....

Monday was my actual birthday. When I got into the office, my sweet friend/coworker M had put a birthday sign on my office door and left a card. One fun thing about going to work on your birthday is that everyone pretty much makes a big deal of you, lol. I'm not sure that I got a whole lot of work done, but it was a fun day!

I came into my office after chatting with a couple friends for a bit. There was a card on my desk that wasn't there before and my phone was blowing up. I had three missed calls, a voicemail, and several text messages. Upon checking my voicemail, I discovered that TG had called to wish me a Happy Birthday! His message was fairly hysterical. I called him back and we talked for a while.

As I was talking to him, I thought to myself, "I hope I hear from FD today." (note lots of progress in one area, not so much in the other, lol). A couple minutes later, still chatting with TG, I picked up the card and opened it. It was from FD :)

He'd stopped by to drop off a card and wish me a happy day. Cue happiness.

After I talked with TG, I called FD and chatted with him. He told me he was sorry he didn't see me, but he was in a rush to get back to work. Regardless, it was a very sweet gesture.

My mom and M took me out to lunch. Delicious!

Amongst the FB messages, texts, and emails, the birthday email from my rep at St Jude was one of the best. She did the obligatory "Your St. Jude Family Loves You" and then added, "and, so does Ryan...."

 LOVED it, lol!!

After work, my immediate family went to Bonefish for dinner. Billie Jo and Scott also came along, which made for a lovely evening.

My drink of choice.... It was so yummy and pretty.....

My Momma and I

Billie Jo and I

My sister Megan and I

Thanks to my wonderful friends, the party didn't quite end there! I got several birthday lunches and dinners throughout the rest of the week. (In unrelated news, I did a 3-Day Cleanse a week later)

Some people say that birthdays are less and less of a big deal as we get older. Bullocks, I say! If you pay attention to the little details, it makes for a pretty wonderful day!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Catching up....

Oops! It has been a while, hasn't it!?

What can I say.... Life has been busy! A good busy, but busy. I have so many things to share, and I am determined to catch up on my posts. However, let's do a quick catch up of "things"......

- I joined the Junior League. Never thought that would happen, but I did. So far, I REALLY enjoy it. Yes, it is another thing that will take up my time, but it isn't work related and I like that. I have already met a couple knew people, reconnected with girls I haven't seen in years, and will be able to participate in several awesome events.

- I have been a reading machine, lately. Just random free moments have been consumed by the books I have downloaded on my IPad. I basically have read the entire collection by Kate Perry. Next up? Jane Austen. 

- TG is coming to town for a few days. Yep. I have no clue if he is bringing the baby, but I do know that I am going to see him. I am really looking forward to it.

- FD is still around. Well, this summer he hasn't been around much. It has just been a crazy summer for both of us. I can count on one hand the amount of times we have seen each other in person over the past three and a half months. However, we text almost every day and talk pretty frequently. This weekend was pretty great and I am hoping/praying that it was the end of the lapses in seeing each other. Dear Lord, please.

- My sister is preggo and due with my niece in October. I cannot wait to love and spoil this nugget. She has already proven that she loves her Auntie Kecka and the feeling is mutual.

- The Mindy Project comes back tomorrow. The amount of excitement I have is fairly ridiculous.

- Work is back to busy. My slow period is the summer, but despite the weather, summer is over and we are into fall. I am praying for mental endurance and clarity to keep my head above water.