Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Plank

I'm a day late posting the ornament swap linky, I know. I'll get it up.

This past week has been discombobulated. Great in some ways. Rough in others. And, as is required during this time of year, extremely busy.

I've been wrangling a post in my head for a couple days now. It's weird how that happens, isn't it?
Anyway, this past weekend was Weekend #1 of a big Christmas event we do at my church. It's actually pretty awesome and I love being a part of it. I do choreography for one scene each year and I'm so proud of "my girls." They are doing such a great job, this year. Because of my work schedule and helping with Youth Group, I didn't have time to volunteer to be an Elf this year (which is why I used an elf picture from last year in my header).

Friday and Saturday nights were spent helping with the event. Sunday was Youth Group. We did what is called "The Plank."

The Youth Pastor has this big piece of wood that he drops on the ground. It creates this loud, loud BOOM. From that point on, no one speaks unless they are on The Plank. The lights are dim, there is soft music playing, and there's a microphone, just waiting.

Sometimes, there is a question posed. Sometimes, it's just an open mic. Sunday, the question was, "If I could have the one thing I desire most, it would be......"

Again, no one speaks unless they are on The Plank. What is said on The Plank, stays on The Plank. There is no judgement. No ridicule. No wrong feelings or opinions.

It was an intense hour, let me tell you.

Because when you ask a room full of high schoolers what they desire most, their answers will floor you. They'll break your heart. They will bring you to your knees with just how real and UN-materialistic they can be. 

The Plank was open to leaders, too. Which is a fairly scary thing. Because, it can be difficult to admit to a room full of your peers AND the people you're supposed to be leading just how weak you really are.

I won't share what others said, but I will share what I said (paraphrased)..........

I was raised in a Christian home, a Christian school, and a Church. None of it was perfect, but I've spent my whole life being led in a direction. And, I've spent my whole life doing what I was taught was right. Society has a plan for the majority of us....... we go to high school, we graduate, we go to college, we graduate, we go out on our own, we fall in love, we get married, we have kids, and we live to raise them to follow that same life pattern. So, my whole life, I've tried to live that way. I do the things I'm supposed to do and I don't do the things I'm not supposed to do. I've gotten to the point where I have this image of what I think other people think of me and I try to uphold it. But, I spend a lot of my time wondering if I am where I'm supposed to be. I pray that I'm doing what God has planned for me.... and if I'm not, that He'll show me what I AM supposed to be doing. Because certain things AREN'T happening and I just wonder if it's because I'm doing something wrong. So, if I could have the one thing I most desire it would be the peace and the knowledge that I'm where God wants me to be.

Afterwards, I had a girl from my small group approach me. This girl is the image of the daughter we all want. She's sweet, she's caring, she's involved........ she's an absolute doll. And, she asked if we could talk at some point. Because, she wasn't ready to talk right then, but she knew she needed to sit down and talk with me. That everything I said up there rang true for her and that she thinks she's probably a lot like me.

I'll say this...... hearing from this little girl that I admire so much that she thinks she's like me was altogether humbling, flattering, and terrifying.

It is strange to be at war with yourself (which is where I'm at, right now).
So, I have a question for you. I'd love to hear your answers, but understand if you don't want to share......... If you could have your heart's desire, what would it be?


Justine said...

Wow. It's so wonderful that you're able to be such a great example to all these girls. They're lucky to have you! :)

If I could have anything? I'd want to have lots of children, no money worries (not rich, but not have to live paycheck to paycheck either, you know?), a home to raise them in and welcome guests into, and for my marriage to always be loving and serving. But, along with all that, I'd like to know that I'm loving and serving God and others with an open heart and an open mind. I'd like to be a witness by my actions. I want people to know that I love God, not just by my words, but by the way I live my life.

PaigeR530 said...

You are such an incredible woman, what young girl WOULDN'T want you as her role model?

My true hearts desire would include two things. 1 would be an answer that would keep me a SAHM with Ethan. 2 would be that the children I provided therapy for were somehow given the answers they needed so that they wouldn't feel abandoned by me when I left work one day and never came back, and that they understand. I hope they know that there is someone that still has 100% faith in them. I'll probably never know the answer to 2, but I pray for it.

Lil' Woman said...

You and wonderful love.
That is all :)

Sonya said...

What a testimony you had for these young people.

I'm going to have to think about your question, because I'm honestly not sure!