Thursday, May 29, 2014

Memos from Jess

Dear Florida Weather,

No. Just no. You and I both know that once you get your summer pants on, they stay on until October (at best) or December (at worst).

Just slow your roll with all the heat and humidity. Be a little subtle, ok?

Signed,
Too Much Summer Makes Me REALLY Cranky

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Dear Disney,

Why did you have to open up the Mine ride when the parks are beginning their peak season? I can't get a FastPass scheduled to save my life.

Signed,
Spoiled Disney Passholder

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Yeah, so you recently got divorced for the 4th time. And, you decided it would be a great idea to get drunk, call me, and beg me to go out with you. In front of a witness.

Seeing as my answer hasn't changed in the 7 1/2 years that we've known one another, I'm not sure if you are insane or just supremely hopeful. Regardless, my answer didn't change this time, either. 

So..... when you decide to try to flirt or be cute or make some innuendo or hint at something, as you do every week or two? It's getting harder and harder to be nice/sensitive about the situation.

Remember when we were both at that party, recently? Remember how I was tipsy and flirty and happy? Remember how none of that was directed toward you, but in fact, to someone else? Yeah, they say that alcohol is a revealer of truths. Take note.

Signed,
Never Going To Happen

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Dear Fashion Industry,

Cropped tops are only cute on about 5% of the population.

Signed,
The 95%

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Dear So You Think You Can Dance,

You make me so happy. I'm so glad you are back.

Signed,
TV and Dance Junkie

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Dear Self,

You have 8, count them, EIGHT weeks before you go on a cruise. Get your lazy self together and do what you need to do to be ready for it.

Signed,
 Too Many Clothes Don't Fit Right.... Or, At All

3 comments:

Sonya said...

Over the weekend we were sitting outside and I moved out of the sun. My mom asked how I was going to stand the heat in FL. I told her I'm at Disney, the hot won't matter then:) I do have a fastpass for the 7 Dwarfs for all 3 days we spend our main time in the MK the day they became available. I knew there was no way we could ride it without them. Too bad I can't add you to my reservation and get you in:)

Jenn @ A Country Girl's World said...

Ahhh, I have the same issue with crop tops!! where did all the normal shirts go?

Jess said...

This Florida weather makes me crazy. It hasnt stopped raining in 24 hours!