Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Evaluation

A while back, I posted about being forgotten. I'd been hurt and was having a hard time dealing with it.

Since then, things with the parties that were involved have been fine. Absolutely fine.

However, I do think that situation changed me, a little.

Like I said in that original post......... I'm typically the caller, texter, emailer, FBer. With about 95% of my relationships, I'm the one that does the planning and making sure it actually happens. On more than one occasion, various friends have said, "Jess, you're so good. If it weren't for you, we probably would never see or talk to each other."

And, they mean it as a compliment. And, I usually take it as such.

Recently though, I've been having a difficult time accepting all of this. It's like I'm tired of being taken for granted. And, trust me....... I know I'm not blameless. I am sure that I take certain people for granted and I've really tried to step it up.... to let them know I care and appreciate.

Let me pause here............ if you are a Blogger, I'm not intending this for you. And, if you're Meg, I'm not intending this for you, either.

Unpause.


Over the past couple months, I've been at war with myself. There are certain people in my life that I've realized will never put forth the effort that I will. They are great people. In fact, they are some of the people that I love more than anyone on the face of the planet. They have been there for me when I asked them to be there.

Recently, though, I've found myself reaching out and either being ignored or brushed off. At first, I did what I usually do......... kept reaching out, just so they knew I was there and I cared.

Then, I eventually found myself stopping. I got brushed off one time too many and subconsciously just stopped reaching out. Not because I was mad, but because I felt like I was being a bother and didn't want to pester them.

Then, my birthday came around. I got FB wall posts from these certain people, wishing me a happy birthday. Which was very nice. However, I'm a firm believer that the most important people in my life are "FB Wall AND........" worthy.

But, this year? A FB wall post.

No call. No text. No e-card.

A FB wall post.

That was it.

And, that's when I got a little angry.

Because, it hit me that a month had gone by and we hadn't talked. Meaning, a month had gone by and they didn't realize that they missed me. Meaning, how many months before that would they have not called had I not been the one to reach out to them?

I'm probably going to sound a bit narcissistic when I say this, but.........

I deserve more than a freaking FB wall post from the people I love the most.

And, if a FB wall post is all they think to do? Then, maybe it's time to evaluate who I love the most.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty internal. I really haven't been speaking to anyone outside of the people I see everyday. I've been processing everything. Because, the fact is, I *do* love these people. I really, truly do. And, if they needed me at 3am? I would be there for them, in a nanosecond. I always will.

But, it's time to stop being taken for granted.

It's time to stop taking for granted the people who don't take me for granted. Those are the people that I should be calling, texting, emailing, and spending my energy on.

Last night, I decided to take a walk. It was really nice outside.

As I was walking, I started thinking about several people that I haven't heard from, lately. And, how I missed them.

So, I started calling. I started doing the "Just calling to say Hi and that I hope you're well" thing.

I did feel better. It had been a while since I've done that. And, that's me. I like just reaching out. 99% of the time, I don't expect a call/text back. I don't get hurt or upset when they don't respond.

Eventually, though, you do have to start recognizing where people are in your life and which burner they need to be in your life.

5 comments:

PaigeR530 said...

You are such a friend that I would love to have in my daily life. Over the past year, I've come to realize that I only have time for friends that will give as much as they take. I can't spend all my time reaching out for acquaintances (which is how I see them once it reaches that point). Of course I still care about them and would do anything for them if they called and asked. Like you, I stopped reaching out. I only reach out to those that reach back. I do miss my friends that don't reach back, but it's difficult to keep trying when it isn't reciprocated.

I've learned to lower my expectations of people too. I can't expect EVERYONE to give as much as I do, because not everyone enjoys that. When I become less of a priority, so do they. I know that sounds really harsh, and I don't do it in a spiteful way. It's more of me accepting that the relationship is different. Anyway, my whole point is that you definitely deserve more than FB wall posts on your birthday. And you deserve more than friends that won't return your calls. You are an incredible friend, with a fantastic heart. It's a shame that you don't live closer, I would LOVE another friend like that in town. :)

sometimessheblogs said...

All I can say is that what you're going through is really hard, and convicts me because sometimes I'm that friend that doesn't reach out as much as I should. But the commenter above is right... each of your relationships are different, and relationships can also change... I have some friends who, we don't really reach out to one another but once every six months (I know this is probably different, from what you're dealing with, but this is true for most of my friends since I don't live near anyone currently)and I love them for the fact that they're ok with that, that we can just pick up where we left off! I don't want all my friendships to be that way, but I'm glad there are a few that are that way. That being said, friendships are a 2 way street, and both sides may have different expectations, and sometimes it's good to get those out in the open so that you're on the same page, and sometimes you're right to just let it fall by the wayside, and pour your energy into people who are also willing to pour their energy into you.

Lil' Woman said...

Some of those people I've had myself and we have now pretty much fallen out of one anothers lives. I care about them dearly but I won't waste my energy daily trying to maintain a one sided friendship.

~Haley~ said...

I think I commented on your other post too, but again you are echoing my thoughts. All too often people forget who is there for them when they needed someone. I am ALWAYS there for my friends, family, and usually even strangers who need me. But lately, I've been the one who needs reassurance and I've realized that, hey, I'm completely alone, save for my family and 2 friends... it's just insane and I have started to put those people on the back burner, exactly how they have to me.
XoXo

erin. said...

Oh my goodness we are so similiar. I do the exact same thing & our birthdays are also around the same time (mine was just last week). What I couldn't believe was the people that I would do anything for not even saying Happy Birthday on FB. I've decided to make note of that & maybe not making such a big deal around their special day. Thank you for making me not feel so guilty about this situation in my life. :)