Monday, September 19, 2011

Happy Monday Mish-Mash

Hello, friends! Happy Monday!


So, last week was pretty sucky. Being completely honest. It just was. It started out bad and just got worse.

When I walked into church, yesterday, I was tired, emotional, and just spent.

When I walked out, I felt renewed.

It's amazing to me how God will speak exactly what you need to hear.

Now, I just have to do the work to stay in this mindset.

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Keeping in line with the above, we sang "my" song, yesterday.


We haven't sang that song in months. However, when I walked into church yesterday, I silently prayed that we'd sing it. I almost started crying when our Worship Leader started it at the end of the sermon.

Every. Single. Time. I'm having a major problem or am extremely down, we end up singing that song.


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I started leading a Small Group, yesterday. 9th grade girls.

Our Youth Pastor and his wife mentioned it to me a few weeks ago. I thought and prayed about it. Then, he hit me up on FB to ask again if I'd be interested. I said yes.

Honestly, I'm nervous about it. I mean, I'm not by myself..... I have two great women who are leading as well........ but, I'm still nervous.

I have a lot of faith, but I'm not the greatest disciplinarian when it comes to my walk with God.

I make good choices when it comes to major things, but I constantly have an internal struggle about my attitude and thoughts.

I'm old enough to be a mentor, but I'm still growing up.

Scary.

Overall, it went well. Last night, there were about 13 girls and most of them said less than 6 words, lol. We'll grow into it, I guess.


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On a totally different note, it thrills me to NO END that new seasons start tonight!

I love new TV :)


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George Clooney and Ryan Gosling are in a movie together.

Enough said.


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I'm officially done with EH. Maybe I just suck, in general, but that was just not for me.

There looked like there could be potential, for a little while, but it was in spurts.

I am still texting with one guy. And, we're trying to get together.

We'll see.


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Remember the time I went to Fun Distraction's house and Green Shirt Girl marked her territory?

Well, since then FD has been bringing around Brown Shirt Girl, who was also at the get-together and was also sizing me up, but was way less territorial.

I eventually asked FD what was going on between him and BSG.......... they kinda liked one another at one point, but he doesn't think she's right for him. So, they are just friends, at this point.

FD and I hang out a lot, but we're at a friends level. I'm cool with it staying that way, but I'd also be cool with seeing if it could be more. We talk pretty openly about our feelings on other people and sort of skirt around the issue of "us." A couple weeks ago, we were at a major event with a bunch of listeners....... a couple listeners ended up flat out asking us if we were dating, lol.

Anyway, Saturday night, FD and I had to work. We were at a super fun venue and usually we like to bring guests to hang out. He brought his sister, a guy friend of his who just so happens to be a part of the singles group at my church, GSG, and BSG.

Hello, awkward.

We went to dinner and both shirt girls sat on either side of him. They awkwardly split a meal. I sat next to FD's sister (who I adore) and tried to ignore the awkward.

GSG clearly wants the dude and clearly realizes she's got competition.

Only, myself and BSG don't want to compete, lol.

BSG and I chatted for a little while. She's a nice girl who seems very similar to me, in a lot of ways. I honestly think we look at one another and think, "Which one of us does he like?" (My guess? Both and neither, at the same time, lol.)

I was in work mode, so I wasn't "hanging out" like they were. However, my friend/coworker M was getting a huge kick out of the dynamics, lol.

Funniest moment of the night?........... At the very end, FD and his posse were getting a group picture. I came up behind them in time to see Green Shirt Girl grab his butt when she thought no one was looking.

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I got an angry text a few nights ago, regarding my last blog post.

The person thought I was directing the whole post at them. Which I wasn't. It was my thoughts on an overwhelming trend I'm seeing in several of my relationships. It wasn't meant to point the finger at any one person and make them feel bad. In fact, I doubt that the majority of the people the post was related to will ever read it, lol.

We worked it out (I think) and I'm thankful for that.

That said, to everyone who is reading this, whether you are apart of my everyday world or I've only met you through blogging or if I've never actually had any communication with you (hi lurkers!).........

These are my feelings. My thoughts. My view on the world.

It's not necessarily fair. Or correct. Or nice.

I don't post about every little thing in my life. I don't go into detail about everything I do post about. Sometimes I allude to things/people, without going into specifics. That's mainly to protect myself and the people in my life. I'm surrounded by really great people and even when I'm upset with how things are going, I don't want to hurt them through my blog.

However, and I *think* most of you will understand this, sometimes you just need to get things out. Sometimes, you need to process. Sometimes, you need to say how you're feeling.

I was in therapy for most of my childhood (long story..... short version, bad divorce and a father who needed help relating to his daughter). My therapist said over and over and over again, "It is not your responsibility to determine how someone will take something. How someone reacts to your feelings is not your problem. They are YOUR feelings and they need to be expressed. Not in a mean or disrespectful way, but in a way that allows you to be real."

That may be the problem. Maybe I'm more real on my blog than I am in life. I try to be genuine, but admittedly, I hold back. Most of the time, I think it's easier to just let things pass. So, when I do bring up something that's bothering me, people aren't used to me being so direct.

Something to think about, at least.

2 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

Wow FD is quite the ladies man isn't he....goodness :)

Shayla said...

I do the secret prayer for favorite worship songs sometime too! It is so amazing how God lines up everything we need in the proper timing!!!!

Yay for texting boys- goof luck ;)

Leading youth can be SO INTIMIDATING, hubby and I are helping lead, but sometimes I just don't feel "good enough". . .when I'm a sinner so I'm not, but God CAN use me as long as I am obedient to HIM