Monday, January 30, 2012

Running Into Arms

You know how when you're a kid and you get hurt or sad, you would just run into your mommy's arms and suddenly everything would be ok?

I miss that feeling.

I mean, to this day, sometimes I need a hug from my mom, when I am sick or sad. Sadly, though, the feeling of "Everything will be alright" isn't quite the same. I guess it's because we know too much, now.

Anyway, the end of last week (Thurs-Sat) was something of a nightmare, work-wise. There were some good points, but overall, I really wished I'd been somewhere else. Saturday night, when I was finally done with this event, I had a migraine. Like, my vision was starting to blur on my drive home, migraine.

PS - I have only gotten about five migraines in my entire life.

A good dose of meds that knocked me out took care of it and I awoke yesterday morning with a clear head, but the things that led up to it were just awful.

So many times throughout the event, I felt like running away. Just throwing my hands up, getting into my car, and leaving.

I kept wishing for a bear hug. One that would make all the bad stuff go away. Where I'd feel safe and calm and not so frustrated.

Then, yesterday morning, I went to church. We sang the first couple songs and then we started one that we haven't done in a while. I've always liked it before, but it hit me differently this time.

The chorus goes....

Oh, I'm running to Your arms.
I'm running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love will always be enough.
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world, forever reign.

I actually started to cry.

What we were singing was what I was exactly the feeling I was looking for, all weekend long. I wanted to run into arms. To be embraced.

And, singing it at church, that is what I found myself doing.

I wanted to throw myself down and bawl, honestly. Out of relief and regret.

Relief that I had been reminded what I really needed.

Regret because I let myself forget.

I wish I didn't get into these patterns. Where I'll remember things and get a renewed spirit about something.... and then eventually, I let the fire die.

It can be applied to just about everything, but most of all, my relationship with Jesus.

Let me be clear..... my faith never wavers. That is never an issue I have.

No. My problem is that I try to take things upon myself and don't let Him have the control. Or, I don't go to Him when I'm frustrated.... annoyed.... or stressed.

Wouldn't it be easier if we could just let ourselves run into His arms, everyday, all day?


PaigeR530 said...

This is a beautiful thought. We try so hard to control only to randomly realize that we never are. Our most vulnerable moments become our most faithful. So glad you were able to have one this weekend, they are sweet moments.

Sonya said...

This sounds like my drive home last Tuesday. I was blasting some downhere and crying. It was quite freeing.

Melissa said...

Girl. I feel like you might be one of the few who REALLY gets what I'm going through right now. WORK. I am drowning. Last week was horrible. I cried at work Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. (Stress-induced tears.) I thought it'd be better once new student orientation was over & it was for two days. Then today was awful again. I cried all the way home. I know this is a great job & it will get better, but right now it's BAD! I am full of anxiety &, well, STRESS! So thank you b/c i feel like you GET IT.

And i love that song! So awesome that we can run into God's arms. I was thinking about that today. God knows what's going on. He sees me. He hears me.