Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Testing the waters

*** Edited to add - About ten minutes after I posted this, the "Friend - Female DJ" came to me and said, "So, are you now talking to each other, by proxy? Is he going to try a neutral place first?" See.... I'm not delusional, lol. Even she knew what he was doing.***

You don't have to pay attention to me when I reference "The Guy" if you don't want to, anymore. After all, I'm on a mission to get over it.

However, this blog does happen to be the story of my life and right now, the whole deal with him is still a part of it. So, a year from now, two years from now, and ten years from now, I'd like to be able to look back at my blog and remember what I thought was SOOOOO important, at the time.

Kind of like when you come across your high school diary. You read back and laugh. You think about everything you thought then and realize where you were right and where you were wrong.

Someday, I'll look back on my feelings for "The Guy" and have a different perspective.

Hopefully, a year from now, two years from now, and ten years from now, I'll have found someone else who makes me more happy and more giddy than TG ever made me. Hopefully, I will have found a guy who knows me better than TG does (and, I won't care that TG knows me better than any guy before him did). Hopefully, I will have found a guy who I love more than I love TG.

So...... if no one but me reads this, right now...... that's ok. Because, a year, two years, and ten years from now, I'll REALLY be the only one who reads this.

But, for right now, I've been missing my friend like crazy. Beyond the incredible hurt and heart break that I've been going through........... more from his non-response than the fact that he apparently doesn't feel the same way..... I basically have just missed my friend. Did anyone watch Grey's last week where Teddy said that she wanted to "unring the bell" with Owen? She told him that she would be fine..... she has a great life and will continue to..... she just wanted her friend back. He said he wasn't sure that was ever going to happen and she responded that she was going to do everything she could to try.

You see.... we've been friends for four years, this month. In those four years, there have only been two times that we've gone a month without talking and that was in the first year. In the following three years, we became each other's "person" at work. We are similar in the way that we approach this environment and have always just understood each other.

And, we can talk. Man, can we talk. In fact, when he wrote me a Christmas card this year, he wrote about how many HOURS we've killed just talking. We talk about anything and everything. We'll go from talking about the weather to arguing about the existence of tree rats to discussing what we want in marriage to George Clooney to analyzing the dust on the ceiling.

So, I've missed that. Whether in person or Facebook or on the phone or text or email, we've managed to stay in pretty constant contact for the better part of four years. In the six months before he moved, we didn't go more than 48 hours without communicating, somehow. Since he's moved, it's been no more than about 10 days. So, going a MONTH has been torture....... especially since that month was born off of me telling him how I felt about him.

Well, today, we had a testing of the waters. You'll look at this miniature conversation and think, "Jess, this doesn't count." But, see, it does. Because, I know him and I've played this game before.

This stupid half-comment on another friend's page was the first glimmer of him trying to go back to what it was before. And, my half-response was my way of saying, "I'm neither going to tell you to F-off nor fall apart, if we start talking, again."

(Side note: I totally felt like I was about to send something to Lamebook, while scratching out names and faces)

We'll see what happens next and if it will be a month before it does, lol.


Gina said...

That was the perfect way to respond. I am so intrigued by this story. Keep us updated.

PaigeR530 said...

I think you definitely did a great job making a small, neutral conversation. I hope it all works out and you can at least get your friend back. :) Hugs.

Brittany Ann said...

Thinking of you. I really hope you get your friend back:)

Justine said...

You have much more patience than I do!! I would have called him already!! Haha. I hope things work out with you two!!

Lil' Woman said...

I hope you guys can rekindle your friendship....it sounds like a great thing was lost.