Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Letter to Resolutioners

Hi, there!

Congratulations on making the decision to get fit in 2011! We are all so proud of you!

Since you are approaching the gym with great gusto, in your new sneakers, workout clothes, water bottle, and towel, let me share with you a few pointers about how to fit in nicely with your fellow worker-outers.....

1) The parking lot. It gets pretty full this time of year, so please adhere to those white lines that make up a space. We are already a little annoyed that we have to circle the lot four times to find a space and having one car take up two only exacerbates our irritation.

2) The cardio room. See all those pretty machines? They are for getting your heart rate up and sweating. They are also limited. So, we have a 30 minute time limit. If you come during non-peak hours, that limit bends. However, if you glance around and see that there are NO machines available and yours says 30...... well, your time is up.

3) Cleanliness. Once your time is up, wipe off your machine. There are towels and cleaner all over the place. Take a towel, spray the machine, and wipe it down. Because, no one wants your nasty germs.

4) Laughing. If you are laughing hysterically and carrying on a loud conversation with your Resolutioner Work Out Buddy, then you aren't working hard enough. And, you're probably taking up a machine that someone could use.

5) Cardio room 2. The Elliptical, the Bikes, the Stepper, the Stair Master, the Treadmill..... they are not part of a circuit training. As in, 2 mins on each aren't going to do much. Get on one and stay on it for a while.

6) Zumba. It is an intense class if you are taking it from a woman with a name that starts with R, in Central Florida. You probably shouldn't start out there on your first day. Because R will kick. your. ass.

7) Your dance space and my dance space. If you decide to forgo my warning and come into the class because you've heard how great R is, then please heed Patrick Swayze's instructions. We all have dance space. Be aware of it. If I can feel you breathing, then you are too close and need to move back a little. If you don't and I accidentally whack you in the middle of a routine, I won't be sorry......... because you were taking up my dance space and you weren't watching to see that R changed directions.

8) It gets better by March. If you are one of the few Resolutioners that stick with it, then don't worry. Not only does the routine of going to the gym get a little easier, but actually being at the gym gets A LOT easier. See, in about 6 or so weeks, most Resolutioners figure out that this whole fitness thing is really hard. And, they aren't going to be able to lose 50 lbs by June. So, they just stop coming. The machines multiply..... dance space widens...... it's heaven, really.

I hope I've helped! Just print this out and memorize it. Mkay? Thanks!


Gina said...

Yep, so true.

You found an intense Zumba class? I don't usually break a sweat in there...I'm jealous.

Anonymous said...

Haha! This is so funny. And exactly why I DON'T do resolutions :)

Amy Lynn said...

LOL! So true. I hate going to the gym in January because of all of this!

Brittany Ann said...

LOL! I want to pass this around at work tomorrow!

Juliana said...

This was very humorous darling:0 I really liked Swayze reference now if you could only print this out and put it all over the locker room?!