..... That was my goal. More specifically.............
6) Stop thinking about men - That's right. I'm swearing off men for the rest of the year. As in, I'm done trying to flirt or "hang out" or over-analyzing every word, text, FB chat, etc, etc, etc. I'm done posting about The Guy or Fun Distraction or any other guy that comes my way. I'm done talking about them. I'm done whining about being single. Done, done, done. For the rest of 2010, I'm embracing the single and putting all thoughts/actions regarding the opposite sex out of my head. This may mean that on January 1st, you'll be getting a 50,000 word post about all of the above...... so, enjoy the two and a half month break :).
So, how did I do?
When I made the concentrated effort, I immediately went to a few of my closest friends with my declaration and made them promise to keep me accountable. If I went to them talking about The Guy or Fun Distraction or any other man, they were to tell me, "Plan, Jessica!!! The Plan!!!" If I started whining about being single, they were to tell me, "Plan, Jessica!! The Plan!!"
Overall, I did well. Not 100%, 100% of the time, but pretty darn good!!
Let's do a quick update on the major players.............
Fun Distraction - No longer confuses me, at all, lol. He was the easiest to stop stressing over......... which tells me that I wasn't as into it as I sometimes thought. We still flirt (when he initiates, I reciprocate) for the fun of it, but we're so not meant to be together and both of us seem to know it. The flirting is fun, but that's about it. I flirt and let him flirt, but I don't think twice about motives or whether it will go any further, which is nice.
The Guy - Still confuses me, on occasion. He pops in and out of the picture. For the past week, he's been in..... and, playing it up pretty big over the past few days. Ask Marianne or Gina or my cousin Heidi or my best friend Meg.......... he's a puzzle and still likes to mix those darned signals. That said, I'm handling it a lot better. Recovery/confusion time is less and less. I love the man (and probably always will). It's that simple. But, I'm definitely moving forward, which is good. In fact, one of my friends recently mentioned that I "seem a lot lighter..... overall aura is just happier and carefree."
Younger Crush - That's right. I managed to develop a crush over the past couple months :) He is a few years younger (totally not me). He's also not going to happen for various reasons, but that's ok. It was super fun to have a crush on someone new...... fun to giggle..... fun to get butterflies...... fun to find that I could have a connection with someone else. The best part is that I had all of that without it going so far that I was sad when it became clear that it's not in cards, for us. I miss all the fun, but I'm not sad about it.
Non NYE Date - So, I got asked out for NYE. By a guy who I've known for a little over 4 years. We used to be really close friends, but that friendship has subsided over the past year. One of the reasons is that he has feelings for me and can't keep the line un-blurred........... at one point, he was being pretty nasty about my feelings for TG and non-feelings for him. Anyway, he's asked me several times over the past few years about my feelings for him and I've told him all those times that I don't feel the same way. I'm simply not interested. I've always tried to be nice about it, because I'd hate for someone to be mean to me over feelings I have, but I've always been clear and firm. Not interested. I thought we were over the attempts to make us something we're not................... then, I got some texts on Wednesday. Asking me out on NYE. Sigh. I declined as politely as possible. Then, I got a big smile on my face.
Because, as annoyed and distressed as I was over the weirdness, I was also proud of myself. This may sound horrible, but it hit me that I wasn't as desperate as I sometimes think I am, lol. I don't want to sound mean......... because, again, I don't want to be treated that way. I'm sure it took some courage to ask. However, I got the choice to not go. Instead, I CHOSE to go Putt-Putt Golfing in Orlando with my parents, siblings, and my siblings' 18 year old friends. Then, we went for burgers....... came home..... ate birthday cake....... and rung in the New Year on my couch with cheesy party decorations, lol.
I could have gone out and had a date on NYE. But, I chose differently. Because, I *know* I don't want to be with this person. Not only do I not want to be with him..... I shouldn't be with him. He's not the one for me. I feel like God gave me a choice........... Here, you can have a relationship right now. You say you want one, so you can have one. Or, you can wait for MY perfect timing with the person I have picked for you.
Honestly, it wasn't that difficult of a choice. Had I been presented with someone else, I may not have chosen so easily, lol. Still, I feel like I discovered something really important about myself........... I'm not settling. Period.
Now, I'm not as excited about having to see Mr. Non-Date, on Monday. Most likely, he'll be hurt and/or embarrassed. Hurt/Embarrassed = Bitter = Mean/Nasty with him.
So, overall........... I think I did pretty well. I can't say I went the whole 2 1/2 months without over-analyzing or stressing. But, I did a lot less of it than normal and am getting better and better about it.