Sunday, March 29, 2009

I don't think I'll ever live by myself

As stated in my previous post, my family is out of town this weekend, so I have the house to myself.

While I usually enjoy a nice amount of "me time," I've discovered that I generally suck at living by myself. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to always have to live with a roommate because being alone all the time isn't fun. Too easily, I could find myself being a hermit, on the couch, watching TV, and talking to the walls (I haven't talked to the walls this weekend, but too long by myself and I just may start).

I've also discovered that I need more friends that live in town.... that I don't work with.... and, are preferably single. All of my good friends that live here are either married or in serious relationships. Last night, I was talking with my friend Mare, from Arizona, on the phone and then started Facebook chatting with my friend Elizabeth in NYC. It hit me how much I miss them and some of my other friends that don't live in Florida. I used to see them 3 or 4 times a year.... we traveled all over the country for girls' weekends. But, now, it's been years since I've seen any of them and I miss them terribly.

I also wish I could find a nice male companion, lol. You go to too many of these work events by yourself and it begins to suck.

But, here's the problem with that. I have feelings for one of the guys I work with. And, even as I write this, I hope NO ONE I work with ever finds this blog, because then I may just have to quit my job and move. I'm only half-kidding.

I'm extremely picky. It takes a lot for a man to get my attention. Well, this one has gotten it and I'm stuck. He's a great guy and we're good friends. And, we work together. And, that's a problem.

I honestly feel that we'd be pretty good together, but I'm not sure if he feels that way. To be perfectly honest, I'm too chicken to risk it. We are friends and we do have fun together, so I'm really nervous to ruin that. Sometimes, I get the feeling that he could feel the same way.... but, then I remember "If he's into you, he'll find a way to be with you." Well, we've known each other for a while now... so, if he was into me, wouldn't we be together?

I know I should move on and find someone else. But, I wasn't looking for him, he just showed up. I've had distractions and minor flirtations since I met him, but no one has been able to hold my attention the way he does. Maybe I'm not giving the other guys a fair chance? Or, maybe I'm not supposed to be?

I bring all this up because I was at a semi work event last night. And, if anyone from work reads this, then they'll REALLY know who it is that I'm talking about.... so, pray for me that no one I work with will ever lay eyes on this blog. Well, he was there... we basically met there. We weren't there together, but I had his ticket. I wasn't expecting him to act like my date, but he kind of did. We walked around the event together. At one point, I drifted away and I looked over to see him looking for me.... once he found me, he came right over and stayed by my side until we met up with other people from work. Then, he did his own thing for a while, only to venture back over to me. He made sure that I was ready to leave before leaving. Again.... not a date, but sometimes felt like one.

This isn't quite the first time something like this has happened. We have moments like that. And, maybe it's all in my head. But, then someone will make a slight assumption that we're together or something and I think, Well, maybe not in my head.

Last night and this morning, I've been really trying to converse with God about this. If he's not that one that He wants me to be with, right now (or ever), I want to be open to something or someone else. Then, nights like last night.... or days like a few days ago happen... where everything seems to fall into place. And, I wonder.... God, am I on the right path here?

I know that a few of my "real life friends" read this blog. So, if you're reading, then you probably already know all of our history. Please advise.

If there are any "blogger friends" reading this.... I'd like your advice, too. Because, I'm at my wits end about it.


Does anyone out there (blogger friends or "real life" friends) know a nice guy that lives in the vicinity of Central Florida (or would be willing to move here.... kidding.... sort of)? If so, could you send him my way?



West family said...


Emily said...

wish I knew of the perfect guy for you... but I live far away... u will find someone.. i know you will!