Patience....

I am generally a patient person. In fact, I'm sometimes patient to a fault.... it becomes a disservice to me because while I'm patiently waiting for what I think I want, other things pass me by.

Sometimes it pays off, though. I worked and waited for 3 1/2 years for the job I have now. I knew I wanted to be there and so I stuck it out. I did basically everything they asked of me, was available at the drop of a hat, and proved that I deserved to be there. Eventually, it paid off.

I'm almost 6 months in to the full-time thing and I do love it. It has its downfalls, but I do love it. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure whether I'll be there forever or eventually try for other things. But, I had a goal and I met it. It just took an extreme amount of patience.

There's a small part of me that wonders what would have happened if I'd tried harder to find something else. But, I love the people I'm around and the place I'm at. I truly think this is where God wants me, at this place in my life.

Here's the thing..... I'm so patient that I really hate the times when I'm feeling impatient. It doesn't sit well with me.

When I'm feeling this way, I take it as God's way of nudging me into a serious conversation with Him. These times are the times that I most feverishly seek Him out and ask Him what His will is for me. It almost becomes a 24/7 talk with Him.

I realize that I should be doing this anyway. That my entire life should be one continuous talk with Him. I'll admit that I have "God Time"... not as much as I should.... and then, it's like I've done my part and I go about my day.

It's not like I say my prayers and then go kick puppies. I generally try to live a life that He would approve of. However, I really should be carrying Him with me through the day.... or, letting Him carry me.

All that to say..... I'm feeling very impatient, right now. And, insecure (for some reason, impatience leads to insecurity with me). I'm really talking with God about this. I'm asking Him to help me see the path that He wants me to take. If He wants me to stick it out, I will.

I would just love to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I should stop looking for a light and be led by His light?