Saturday, April 17, 2010

3 Months Later.........

I mentioned earlier this week that I got some texts from The Guy.

Let's back it up, a bit......

Last weekend, I made a pact with myself to have a better week, a better attitude, a better everything. See, the couple weeks before were HORRIBLE and I was having a really hard time of it. So, going into Monday, I made a decision to keep myself out of the dumps.

I also made pact that I wasn't going to think about TG. Today is three months since we last talked, three months since I knew I was going to mail that letter, and three months since I lost my friendship. Knowing that Saturday was coming up, I decided that I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't think about him.... I wouldn't talk about him..... I am MOVING ON.

Monday was awesome. Great day, great success on my new attitude and The Guy-less mind.

Then, came Tuesday. Tuesday was a day where I wasn't in a bad mood...... nothing bad was happening, no one was doing anything to upset me, I wasn't PMSing. However, I would burst into tears for no reason, at all. I was sitting in my office, crying, and having NO CLUE why.

Then, came our airstaff and programming meeting. Usually, these meetings are a mix of frustration and fun. When you get a whole lot of creative people in one room......... it tends to get entertaining. Overall, the meeting was fine.

Then, my boss decides that he would bring up the fact that a lot of people seem to be frustrated. He said that if anyone was truly so far gone with where they are to let him know because he'd like to help them. "I'm going to use The Guy as an example."

Yep, he went there.

So, on Day Two of my attempt to not think about TG, my pact was broken because my boss chose to talk about him. He went on. And on. And on.


Well, that didn't help the crying. I sat at my softball game and cried. I cried in my car. I cried in my office. Apparently, there was an ocean of tears building up in my body that decided they were getting out even if I had no reason to cry. Let it be known that while I am the type that cries.... I usually don't do it for no reason.

I called a friend on my way home. I work with her husband, so she knows and understands, but also has the perspective that you need. We talked for an hour and a half. About TG, about work, about life, about why I'm feeling so frustrated. Her take was that I'm mourning the loss of my friendship, still. That "the romance" has been mourned, but not the friendship. Because, really, we all thought he'd get over it by now. Three months is ridiculous. So, her theory is that I'm just now getting it.... that he's just plain not in my life anymore and I have to get used to it.

After speaking with her, I felt a lot better.

I went home, ate dinner, and then got on Facebook.

And, the man who barely posts on FB, decided on that day to post a video of himself AND he changed his profile picture of him sitting in his old cubicle at our work.


I gave into the devil. I watched the video. I also emailed him........

Subject: Thought you'd get a kick out of this................

Someone else may have already told you about it, but today we had an airstaff/programming meeting and you were used as the example of what to do if you're unhappy with your career path, lol.

In fact, at least 10 minutes of the meeting was dedicated to the "Professional Journey of The Guy."

That was it. Short, simple, friendly. No pressure. I said what I wanted to say because I knew he would find the whole thing amusing. I honestly, truly wrote the email expecting that I wouldn't get a response.

Then, I decided to put the day behind me and go back to my pact.

Enter Wednesday.........

Great day, on so many levels. Things at work were going really well........ like I mentioned before, we're working on some really cool opportunities that I hope go through.

Then, Mary calls me over to her cubicle.

The Guy had sent her a few new pictures of himself.... "So no one there forgets what I look like.... haha."

Mary and I chatted for a while, too. I told her about my conversation from the night before and she offered a slightly different perspective. However, the general conclusion was the same........ it's been three months. The friendship is gone. Maybe one day it will come back, but don't sit around waiting for it. He didn't have to go about it this way, but he did. I'm making progress, but need to make more, because my friend isn't around any more. Overall, I felt good.

I went back to my office and saw I had texts.

From The Guy.

"I got a lead for *****. Can u give him this info. It won't be a big buy at all. Prob super small. But it is something. Tell him to call ****. Make sure to tell him that he took over for me."

Ok. You could have called or emailed him yourself, but..........

"That's nice of you......... I'll be sure to pass it along!"

That was odd, but I responded and moved on to other things.

20 minutes later......

"I am getting my tonsils out. To see if that helps."

Me.... "You mean to tell me you still have your tonsils in?!?!? I bet that is EXACTLY the problem. I'm glad someone finally figured it out. When's surgery? It's really hard for adults."

TG..... "Not sure if it is the whole problem but we will see."

Me.... "Well, I choose to believe it will fix the whole problem for you."

TG.... "Well I hope it does. This has been two years of hell. I sent Mary some new pics of me."

Me... "I know it has.... That's why I'm believing something as silly and removable as your tonsils will do the trick..... Really? I'll have to hit her up to see them."

Yes, I had already seen them. I pretended I didn't.

The next day, I sent him a text commenting on the pictures he sent.

I haven't heard back and don't expect to.

The funny part was going over to Mary after our little exchange........... "Guess who just texted me."............. "Who?"...... "The Guy."............ (eyes wide) "You're kidding! Well, there he goes, again. Blowing our theories right out of the water."

I know all of this seems silly........... it was so miniscule. But, it was SO unexpected. It didn't really address anything, at all. But, as silly as it was, I felt like I had my friend back for a few minutes.

Who knows.... It may be another 3 months or 6 months or a year before I hear from him, again.

I'm making a pact with myself not to wait, lol.


Lil' Woman said...

Something is better than nothing. I know from personal experience how hard it is to mourn a friendship but then again I didn't have to TG kinda relationship. I hope if anything you guys can mend your friendship to somewhere where it was before.

Gina said...

I think he's feeling you out just like you are waiting for him to do so. I bet he misses your friendship too...I am sure that long letter freaked him out, like it did to my TG...but I personally think he's testing the water of friendship now to see if you guys really can be "just friends." My advice is totally unsolicited, but if I were you, I'd sit back and wait for him to contact you again. You know, the whole "Who needs TG...not me!" attitude. ;) I wish I would have done a little more of that back in the day.

Brittany Ann said...

I agree with Gina. I think he's testing the waters while still holding onto his aloofness.

Just don't wait around for the next texts, my dear;) You're too awesome. My Jess waits for no one;)