It's been a little while since I've mentioned "The Guy." Let's see, lol... where do I begin?
Things have been different over the past few weeks. I got to a point where I felt the need to pull back. I needed to create some distance. I *know* he cares, just not in what capacity, and I can't let myself be taken for granted. Sometimes, I think he does.
So, while I emotionally was giving myself a break, he didn't like that. Not one bit. I wasn't ignoring him, I just wasn't seeking him out. He ended up doing a lot of the seeking. I wasn't expecting it, but he actually stepped up a bit.
Because I was at a point of not caring what he thought, I ended up asking him some hard questions about himself. Specifically.... Is this why you can't commit to anyone or anything right now in your life? and Can you think of at least one marriage that you know of that doesn't sound like pure torture? Just one, where you think that it might work out? Those two were two of the big ones. I wouldn't accept his deflections or attempts to lighten things up, like I usually do. Neither the questions nor the answers related to me being a part of the equation. Really, that wasn't why I was asking. I just needed to hear his real answers. Again, he stepped it up and gave some honest answers... ones that I actually respect.
Then, I got out of my funk. He's going through an extremely hard time, right now, and I've become his sounding board. He *seems* to want me around, a lot. We talk a lot both inside and outside of work. He comes to sit in my office.... just to sit. Sometimes he talks, sometimes we'll both just do our individual work. Last week, he asked me to go to lunch with him one day. Another day, lunch was delivered from a local restaurant by surprise. He asked me to eat with him at his desk.... it was kind of sweet.
To be perfectly honest, I still don't know where I stand with him. I'm not convinced that he completely gets the value he has in me.
On the other hand, I do like how we've been, lately. I'm still slightly pulled back. He's doing a lot of the "driving." When we're together, it's good.
I'd still like prayer, please. Mentally and emotionally, I'm in a pretty good place. But, I'd like to eventually know where I stand and where I need to go from there.
Oh.. one more thing.... I have a few friends that express concern that I'm not giving myself the chance to see what else is out there. If you should be worried about that.... there may be another "option" right now. I don't know where it will go or if it will go. It just a very easy flirtation, at this point. I'm letting it be fun and carefree, at this moment. We'll see, lol.