Thursday, June 4, 2009

Just like Gigi?

*Warning - this post is entirely about "The Guy" and my search for a reality check.... sorry, I have to type it out*

Ok, so this morning, I was walking into work (slightly late) and my phone rang. It was our receptionist telling me that there was someone at the front desk for me. As I was hanging up and rushing inside to get it taken care of, my phone started going off like crazy. I suddenly had two missed calls, a voicemail, and two text messages. All from "The Guy."

I took care of the listener (who clearly gets up way too early in the morning) and then checked my missed messages. He called me at 7:30 and 7:40. Then, he texted at 8:11 and 8:45. Apparently, he had to rush one of his friends to the ER last night and it's some big ordeal. He had a busy day scheduled and was basically asking me if I could get a hold of the proper people to get everything covered.

I called him back. By that point he had taken care of some of the appointments. He was stressed and was venting to me about the past couple of hours.... no details on who he took or why, just that it had been a bad night. Then, I heard some sort of commotion, he said he had to go, and he hung up.

All very strange.

Throughout the morning, we texted back and forth. He was still at the hospital and needed a few more things handled, plus I think he just needed to vent some more. I did my thing and got done what he needed done.

Later on in the afternoon (several hours later), he ended up texting me, "Thanks for your help today."

I texted Heidi and sort of told her the strangeness of the whole thing. Coincedentally, she watched "He's Just Not That Into You" last night. It all ended up in this texting marathon about how she's afraid I'm Gigi at that party (something I've mentioned I related to). Now, I've never literally thrown myself at him, but I'm definitely the consumate helper.

Heidi's worried that I'm setting myself up.... that 1) we're too good of friends and/or 2) he's taking me for granted. It's a high possibility that I'm just "good ole Jess." But, I can't help hoping and thinking that there's the chance there can be more. I always say to her that I wish she knew "us" (she's never met him), so she could see why I think there's something, even though I do fear there isn't.

I can't ignore the other nagging concerns. If he were into me, wouldn't he just be with me? I try really hard to ignore the end of the movie where Alex figures out that Gigi was right all along and he did have feelings for her. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm the rule and not the exception, no matter how much I'd like to be.

I'm praying a lot about it.

Clearly, from today, he knows he can depend on me. He knows that he can trust me. Sometimes, he chooses not to.... but, more often than not, he does.

I just don't know. And, I'm trying really hard to figure it out.

There's the whole Taylor Swift song....

I'm the one who makes you laugh, when you know you're about to cry.
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams.
Don't you know where you belong, don't you know it's with me?

.... which is written by a 19 year old. But, that's why I love her music. It's sweet and innocent, but it's also relatable. To me, aside from the blatant high school references, it simply describes a lot of what we feel in life. And, that song describes (again, aside from the HS part) what our relationship is like.

Despite the weird "we're friends but sometimes seem like more, but we work together and we just don't know" vibe, it's actually really, really easy between the two of us. We get each other. Most people probably wouldn't look at us and think we would, but we do.

The best part is the random people who ask us if we're together.... or, refer to us as an old married couple because we bicker, but seem to like it.... when they don't actually know us.

I'm just stuck wondering.... am I just the friend that he knows will be there and is taking advantage of? Or, is there something there?

Am I the exception or the rule?

Seriously, no clue.

*** If you've made it this far.... thanks. Typing this out actually helps me, even though I feel it makes me look really pathetic, lol.***

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